The FTAFTASL: Operation Valentine
by bellagill92
Summary: There were far simpler ways to arrange a date for your friends. Ways that didn't involve the kidnapping of infants, for one. Of course, as far as the FTAFTASL was concerned, those ways were for suckers. (M-rating just to be safe).
1. The Note

**A/N: Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! Here is my Valentine's-themed submission. Now, keep in mind that this is a fic _within progress_. I have not finished - there is still quite a bit to write but the whole thing is already outlined. It should have about three chapters or so. I usually don't post unfinished works but this is a small one, so hopefully all will be well...**

**I make no promises concerning updating pace. I have had surgery last Monday and everything is going as expected but I have like a million appointments set up. Plus, it's kind of annoying to write in the position I'm in (my bum leg must be propped up at all times, specifically so it's higher up than my heart) since it's hard to see my laptop keys.**

**Anyway, this fic is part of my 'Our World' universe. **

**So, without further ado, here's the chapter. (Apologies for any spelling mistakes - the editing was kind of rushed).**

**February 14 x795**

The thing about being new parents was that alarm clocks became obsolete. Why would someone need a blaring alarm to wake them up when they instead had a much-loved blaring child to do so? True, alarm clocks tended to be more accurate when it came to rising hours and didn't, for instance, go off several times a night, roughly every three to four hours demanding nourishment. But still, the baby would always trump over an alarm clock. It was just natural law.

So, given the uselessness of alarm clocks these days, the surprise that washed over Erza Scarlet and Jellal Fernandes upon being awoken by one on a fine February morning was not fully out of place.

The offending item was, suspiciously, perched on the bedside table by Jellal's side of the bed even though he did not at recall setting it up anytime recently. In fact, he distinctively remembered shoving it into said bedside table's door almost two months before, on the day his son had been brought home for the first time, and leaving it there forgotten ever since. So, why, he asked himself, was the alarm clock ringing?

"Shut it down," he heard Erza mumbling sleepily from his side. "It will wake up the baby…"

"I'm surprised it hasn't already," he replied, reaching forward to turn the ringing object off. It was just as he was clicking the deactivation switch that he finally registered the time it was marking. "Erza?"

"What?" she replied drowsily.

"It's half past ten."

Silence. For a moment, that was all that was heard. Or rather, not heard.

"That's impossible," Erza declared.

"I know."

"We have a newborn. People with newborns don't sleep in until half past ten. It just cannot be done."

"I know."

"Did you feed him since he woke up at five in the morning?"

"No. Did you?"

"No. He didn't cry out for it."

Again, silence. Deadly silence. And then, without a preamble, the two of them were jumping out of the bed and rushing towards the crib on the corner of the room.

It was empty. Empty except for a note… with letters consisting of glued magazine cutouts.

"No," Erza spoke, her voice utterly filled with horror. "No, no, no, no, _no!_ Where is he?!" And then, proceeded to run out of the room, desperately shouting their son's name (as if he knew how to answer to it).

Jellal, although equally terrified, at least managed to contain himself enough to pick up the note and actually read it.

"_Dear Erza and Jellal,_

_If you are reading this letter, that means that you have likely just noticed that your little bundle of joy is gone. That's right. We kidnapped him._

…"

Jellal's eyes widened and his breath caught as his worst fears were confirmed. Somebody has taken his son. His tiny, helpless child was in an unknown person's hands being subjected to Mavis-knew what. His first instinct was to rip the letter to shreds and rush into hunting down the person who'd written it, same as Erza was bound to be planning. Logic did, however, prevail, as he refrained from doing so, given that, as of that moment, the letter itself was the only clue they had. So, hanging to sanity by a thread, he forced himself to keep still and finish reading the letter.

"…

_Don't worry, though! You'll be able to get him back before the end of the day as long as you follow the instructions we have written at the bottom of this page. But first…"_

Even though there was still text to be read on that paragraph, Jellal immediately skipped down the page until he found some magazine-cutout text that was actually arranged in bullet points.

"_Before we actually get to the instructions, let us set up a few rules for things to go along as planned:_

_\- No contacting the police – seriously, we'll give him back. Promise! We're not evil or anything;_

_\- Dress up nicely – there's no reason for you to go through all this looking like lazy bums who just got out of bed;_

_\- Have fun or the little brat will pay (with tickling, extra chubby-cheek-pinching, off-key lullabies and milk slightly less warm that he likes)!_

…"

Jellal frowned. Wait, what?! That didn't sound threatening at all. In fact, it sounded kind of… joke-y? Was this some sort of prank? Full of questions, he looked further down the page in search for answers.

"…

_As for the instructions, we will start with step one – Report to the 'Café Venus', located in the square in front of the train station, at noon for brunch. Reservations are under Jellal's name. DON'T BE LATE! We're on a schedule, for Mavis's sake!_

_The instructions for step two will be at the café, as well as other bits of information that may interest you. Subsequent steps will be revealed in the same manner._

_Now, get ready for romance, lovebirds. _

_Happy Valentine's day!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_The FTAFTASL"_

He blinked at the signature. The what now? What sort of ridiculously long, not to mention repetitive, acronym was that?! In fact, one thing in it did ring familiar – the repeated FT, one of which he was 99.999999% sure stood for 'Fairy Tail'. Because of course Fairy Tail was behind that letter and, by extension, his son's 'kidnapping (who other than a particularly crazy member of his own guild would assemble such a bizarrely-long ransom note using not only magazine cutouts, but also cutouts in tiny font from the pulp of an article rather than the headline-sized sort? And then, of all things, arrange sentences by bullet point?! That must have taken ages to put together!).

Suffice to say, by then most of his fears had been reduced to nothing… well _almost_ nothing – his two-month-old (yet nearly a month premature) baby, who had never been away from either himself or Erza since birth, was still in unknown parts being overseen by a selection of insane (even if loving) people who had just scared years out of lifespan for what he was sure were very strange reasons and that was just a tiny bit unsettling.

He did notice, upon second read, that those years scared away from his life had been mostly his fault for skipping important parts of the letter – parts that made it clear that the baby was in no harm and reassured them about their ability to keep him safe while they were busy following the given instructions.

"_If you have doubts concerning our babysitting skills, please refer to the recommendation letter you will find stapled to his note_," it said. And it was only then that he did, indeed, unbelievably find a handwritten recommendation letter attached to the 'ransom note', penned by Bisca and co-signed by Alzack, assuring them that the FTAFTASL (Fairy Tail Association for the Absolutely Seriously Lunatic?) had 'kidnapped' little Asuka many times in the past and given her back in one piece, though not before putting them through, in Bisca's words, "_really awesome dates. The kind of stuff you're just desperate for and don't even know it._"

A date? They had gone through the trouble of kidnapping an infant and risk death at his mother's hands to make them have a date? That seemed a little… excessive. Thoughtful, yet still a little overboard. He still wasn't quite sure how to feel about it.

Folding the note, he placed it on the pocket of his pajamas before walking out of the room and dropping by the nursery in search for Erza. She wasn't in there but he did notice that the diaper pile seemed significantly smaller than it had been just a few hours before when he'd last changed his son. He walked further into the room and opened the closet, only to find several outfits, the spare blanket and the diaper bag gone. It seemed like the 'kidnappers' had thought to take everything they might need from the house.

Downstairs was a mess. It seemed like Erza had turned the place upside down in search for a misplaced baby and then rushed out the door to look outside, leaving it wide-open – a true testament to her desperation to find their son. Immediately, he made a beeline for the door as well and, after grabbing his winter coat from the hanger by the door and trading his bedroom slippers for outside shoes, stepped out after his fiancée, trailing around the house hoping she was still nearby.

By some miracle, she was. He found her near the kitchen door, kneeling next to it as she inspected the locks closely. She was already clad in purgatory armor, clearly ready to fight anything standing in the way to her son.

"What are you looking for?" he asked, mildly confused.

"Signs of breaking and entering," she replied. "The culprit must have gotten in somehow. They might have left clues behind when they did it."

"There is no need for that, Erza," he told her.

The redhead turned to him sharply, a look of hope on her face. "Why? Did you find him?!"

Jellal sighed. "No. But I'm sure he's just fine."

She frowned. "How can you be?! He's not here! Our baby is off somewhere with complete strangers who could be hurting him!"

"They're not hurting him, Erza," Jellal assured. "And they're not strangers either."

"What do you mean they are not strangers? Do you know who they are? Are they old enemies of ours? How can you know that?!"

Jellal sighed. "You never finished reading the note," he informed her, reaching into his pocket for it. "And no, they're not enemies either… unless you have enemies who are interested in providing free childcare, planning out dates for you and in close contact with Bisca."

"What?!"

"Just… read the whole thing. Don't skip anything," he prompted her, handing her the letter. "You will find this kidnapping is not nearly as sordid as it appeared to be."

She took it with a suspicious look on her face but didn't hesitate from reading it as instructed. Her feelings were completely transparent as she took in the words – they showed right on her face at every paragraph. First worry, the confusion, then realization, then relief, then disbelief… and so on.

"Valentine's day is today?" she asked, genuinely shocked.

"Apparently. I didn't notice it until I read it either. Honestly, I don't think I have taken the time to take a long look at a calendar since last year," Jellal confessed.

"I didn't get you any chocolate," Erza mumbled.

"You got me a son."

She shot him a look. "I've already used that excuse for Christmas."

"I wouldn't mind it if you used it again," he pointed out. "It's a pretty big gift."

"And now it's been snatched away," Erza said, sounding very, very annoyed about it. "Those idiots! You don't just… _take_ somebody's child without asking. Even if that somebody is your friend. It's… it's rude! And wrong!

"And dangerous," Jellal added, seeing as she'd clearly been ready to skin the culprit alive.

"Exactly!"

"They did leave a note," he pointed out on their behalf.

She looked at him in disbelief. "This is kidnapping a baby, not borrowing a hammer!" she spat back. "And what do they know about looking after a baby?!"

"Bisca does mention they always brought Asuka back in perfect shape," Jellal argued, mostly for the sake of calming her down. He did have doubts of his own.

"Asuka was born in September! She would have been at least five months old by Valentine's Day. Caring for a five-month-old and a two-month-old is completely different! Especially when that two-month-old was born nearly a month early and is so small and fragile that he can't even hold his head up yet and what it they don't hold it up for him properly?! _Oh god, I need to get my baby back right now!"_ she declared, actually walking past Jellal towards the path to town.

"Wait, where are you going?!" Jellal questioned. "You don't even know where he is!"

"I know Bisca is in on this! I'll get it out of her!" Erza replied as Jellal rushed to walk by her side.

"You are not planning to achieve that by beating her up, are you? Please remember that she is a mother."

"She was an outlaw before she was a mother – and my having to resort to extreme measures would depend on her cooperation," she stated.

Jellal just sighed in response, shaking his head as he followed her. Mavis… there was just no stopping that woman. She was like a hurricane in full-force, blowing away everything on her way.

They rushed along the familiar path into town and then, upon reaching it, turned left on the first street. The townhouse Bisca and Alzack lived in was right on the edge of town, not very big but considerably charming and family-like.

Without hesitation, Erza strode right up to the front door and rang the doorbell repeatedly, not stopping up until Bisca opened the door wearing an apron covered in colorful hearts and what seemed to be chocolate stains. When she saw the two of them at her doorstep, she just sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Why am I not surprised? I _told _them you'd freak out, letter or no letter," the green-haired woman mumbled.

"_Where is my son?_" Erza demanded.

"No idea," Bisca replied, getting unconvinced looks in return. "I don't! I am a mere outside contributor of all this. I may have provided the character reference as a former 'victim', but I was never actually part of the scheme. Or their group for that matter…"

"Why not?" Jellal asked curiously.

"Because, by the time they formed, I was no longer single."

Erza frowned. "What does your relationship status have to do with anything?"

"It's kind of a requirement to be part of their group," Bisca explained.

"The F… FTA-something…"

"Yeah, those long-ass initials. Anyway, you've got to be single to join in," the sharpshooter explained. "Why do you think they go through all the trouble of arranging for somebody else's dates on Valentine's Day? They don't have dates of their own, so they live vicariously through ours."

"That's… generous," Jellal commented.

"And a little sad too," Bisca admitted. "But hey, if they're up for it, who are we to judge…"

"Still, was it necessary for them to snatch our child while we slept?! Couldn't they have asked?" Erza demanded.

"Would you have handed the little guy over if they had?" the other woman questioned her.

"Mavis, _no_. He's too little!"

"Well, there you go, then. You're a mother hen and they knew they didn't stand a chance at asking for permission."

"But what do they know about handing babies? What if they feed him wrong and he chokes? Or if they don't change his diaper properly and he gets a rash? Or what if…?"

Bisca sighed. "You guys never left him with somebody else before, have you?" The two new parents shook their heads. "Of course… Well, then it seems like you're just going through a very common phenomenon called 'Baby Separation Anxiety'. Nearly every new parents goes through it and most of the time, it proves to be just worrying over nothing. Just calm down. I can assure you that at least one of the 'kidnappers' handles babies like a pro. She's had a lot of training in dealing with newborns lately."

Erza narrowed her eyes. "Mira?"

"Mira isn't single," Bisca pointed out. "And even if they were willing to make an exception for her, she's got two newborns of her own to handle. She doesn't have enough presence of mind these days to plan her own Valentine's Day, let alone somebody else's."

"Then who?!"

"Not telling," Bisca told her. "I've been in your shoes. I know if I give you any more clues, you'll chase them like a madwoman instead of just enjoying the opportunity like you should."

"What opportunity?!"

"The opportunity to spend an entire baby-free day just relaxing and reconnecting the romance with your man!" she stated, causing Jellal to blush.

"I do not need to relax!" Erza countered. "I am very relaxed!"

"The hell you are! Didn't you tell me the other day that you fell asleep in the shower?"

The redhead looked away. "I have no recollection of such a conversation."

"Yes, you do, you liar," Bisca accused. "You're new parents. You're stressed, you're sleep-deprived… you need a break and your friends were kind enough to give it to you. Now suck it up! Do you think you're doing any favors to your son by refusing to take a break? Babies are sensitive to certain emotions – if they feel like you're stressed, they'll feel stressed too and get upset. So, get your head out of your ass, take a break for the day and stop feeling guilty about it. Being away from your kid for half a day doesn't make you a bad parent."

By the time she was done with the lecture, Bisca saw it as Erza bit down on her trembling lower lip. She was the very poster for new-motherhood anxiety.

"But he's so tiny…"

The older woman sighed. "Look, let me put things like this: if you don't trust your 'babysitters' for their skills, at least trust that they're too damn afraid of you to even risk handing your son back with a single hair out of place. They'll handle him like a priceless relic."

That was… strangely reassuring, Erza considered.

"_Mama!_" Asuka's voice called as she ran down the hall towards her mother. "I finished sprinkling the tru… truf…"

"Truffles," Bisca provided.

"Truffles," the little girl repeated before turning to the visitors. "Hi!"

"Hi, Asuka/Hello," Erza and Jellal replied.

"Asuka, be a good girl and tell Erza and Jellal about your time with Kidnappers-chan," Bisca prompted.

"Kidnappers-chan?" Jellal mumbled, mildly disturbed.

"They're really fun! They played with me a lot!" Asuka said.

"Did they let you mess around with sharp things, talk to strangers or eat too much candy?"

Asuka shook her head, although she seemed a bit disappointed at the last part. "They said that if they didn't give me back exactly the way they had gotten me, you and Daddy would shoot them full of holes."

Satisfied, Bisca patted her head. "That's right," she said, turning to Erza. "Satisfied?"

At that, Erza and Jellal could only nod.

"Good. Now, go home, take a half-hour shower like you haven't been able to have in weeks, pretty yourselves up and do what the nice kidnappers tell you. The little guy won't hate you for it."

Erza only nodded while Jellal spoke. "We apologize for the intrusion."

"No need to apologize," Bisca replied. "I was in your shoes a few years ago. Now, if you don't mind, Asuka and I need to finish up the chocolate-making before Al gets back from the fool-errand we sent him on. We'll see you tomorrow or something. I want to hear all about this date!"

Asuka waved as her mother started to close the door. "Bye, bye! I'll say 'hi' to Boy Erza for you later!" she promised, using the nickname Natsu had coined for Erza's little son.

"His name is not Boy Er… _wait_." The door closed with a bang before Erza could say anything else. "_I thought you said you didn't know where he was!_" she shouted, hoping they'd hear her through the door.

Jellal cleared his throat. "To be fair, just because Asuka knows, doesn't mean Bisca does. She is pretty independent these days… and, now that I think of it, Asuka _is _single. She could be in cahoots with the FTA… something."

"She's too young to be part of kidnapping plots!"

"I've come to learn that nobody is too young for anything in Fairy Tail," Jellal pointed out.

When Erza didn't respond, he guessed she simply didn't have anything to say against that.

"So… about what Bisca said… what do you want to do?" he asked.

Erza bit down on her lip. "I… On one hand, I don't think I will be able to be completely carefree until I have our baby back in my arms… on the other one… I think she may have had a point about our stress not being good for him. He does always seem to get that much harder to handle when one of us is exhausted…"

Jellal nodded. "I don't know about you but with those extra few hours of sleep they grated us, I'm feeling better than I have in months. Maybe those guys do know a thing or two about how to handle exhausted new parents…"

"And Bisca did state that at least one of them was very well-versed with newborns…" Erza mumbled. And that half-hour shower she had suggested did feel tempting.

"True. Bisca wouldn't have vouched for them if they weren't trustworthy," Jellal admitted.

"It still feels somewhat wrong," Erza confessed.

"Yes. But it was only a matter of time before we had to leave him under somebody else's care," Jellal rationalized. "With jobs and everything…"

"What was the name of that café we were supposed to go for brunch at?"

"Café Aphrodite… no, Café _Venus."_

"Café Venus," Erza repeated. "It doesn't ring a bell."

"Must have opened recently. We haven't been very in touch with the local news recently. It sounds posh."

"It sounds _delicious_," Erza said, prompting Jellal to shoot her a questioning look. "Venus, Jellal. The goddess of love."

"Yes, I know. But how does that make you think 'delicious'?"

"Because, according to ancient mythology, Venus's sacred symbols was the strawberry!"

"Oh," he replied. "I didn't know that." Which was something worth saying, given that he knew _a lot_ about mythology… "So, that… settles it?"

She nodded. "We will enjoy this Valentine's Day together. For the sake of our son."

"For his sake only," Jellal agreed.

**To be continued...**

**A/N2: So, what do you think? Too crazy?**


	2. The Brunch

**A/N: And so, here is part 2 of Erza and Jellal's Valentine's date. I am almost sure this fic will have a total of four chapters. Again, my life is pretty nuts right now with my post-surgical recovery, so no promises on the updating schedule. I hope you will understand :D**

**There are references to my fic Nutrition 101. **

**Rating has been upped to an M! (more like a harder T)**

"Mmm…"

"Mmm…"

"This is wonderful…" Erza mumbled against her future husband's shoulder.

"I know," Jellal replied hazily, his chin resting on her head.

"Feels so good on my skin…"

"Mine too… do you want me to get the body wash?"

"No. I just want to stay like this a little longer," the redhead said.

And so, they did. They simply stood there minute after minute, wrapped up around one another, feeling it as the water fell down from the shower-head onto their skin. It was… wonderful. No fight against time, in which they somehow tried to wash their hair at the same time as they rubbed body wash on their skin because a shower that took longer than five minutes was just not doable, no wailing in the background, no minds wandering to the long list of things they had to do while the baby was still asleep/otherwise entertained… No. They just stood there soaking in the water. Because, for once, they could.

"We really don't value enough the simple things we have until we lose them," the redhead philosophically declared.

"We should have that sentence engraved somewhere," Jellal suggested. "Do you think those FTA people would mind if we just skipped their plans and stayed here all day?"

"Yes. And so would I," Erza informed him. "As pleasant as our time in this shower is, I believe I have been promised cake after this and that is something I am not willing to overlook."

"Actually, you have been promised brunch, which may or may not have cake," Jellal pointed out. "And even if it does, it might not be strawberry-flavored."

"It _will_ have cake and it _will _be strawberry-flavored," she assured him.

At her certainty, Jellal could only sigh. "If you say so… but if you really are so set on not missing brunch, we should really get to the washing part of this shower."

She sighed. "If we really have to…"

He chuckled, reaching for the large bottle of body wash standing on the shower rack… only to accidentally knock something over as he did so. It fell down on the wet shower floor with a squeak, which startled them both, and Jellal reached down to pick it up. He chuckled once he saw what it was. "Rubber ducky," he said in amusement, showing her their son's bath toy.

Mouth-hanging half-open, Erza stared at the rubber duck on her fiancé's hand with far more intensity that a mere toy should have received.

Jellal frowned. "What's wrong? Is it misshapen or something?" he questioned, fiddling with the yellow toy as he observed it, causing a series of squeaks to come out of it.

Once he looked back at Erza, he noticed that her lip had started trembling and her eyes had become cloudy. Was she… crying? Over a rubber duck? Immediately, sirens went off on Jellal's head as he guessed what was going on – incoming hormonal fit.

And so, as she let her first sob seconds later, his theory was confirmed. Those evil hormones were, again, messing with Erza's mind, toying with her emotions. It didn't happen as often as it had when she was pregnant but the fact was that they didn't just stop hanging around once the baby had come out. No. They insisted on overstaying their welcome for weeks… even months to torture the poor, poor new mother's head, as if new motherhood stress wasn't enough.

"Oh, Erza…" he said softly, returning the rubber duck to the rack and pulling her to his chest. She pressed her forehead against it and wrapped her arms around his waist, clearly vulnerable.

"I… I…" she hiccuped. "I am a terrible… mother. I dumped my… baby for a… shower and hypo…thetical cake! Who… does that?!"

Jellal sighed. "That is not true," he said. "You are a wonderful mother. Taking a little break doesn't change that."

"It does! I left my baby under the care of idiots! He's probably scared and lonely… and cold. He gets cold so easily! What if they didn't wrap him up with enough layers?!"

"Erza, I am sure they did," he assured her, rubbing her bare back. "Remember what Bisca said – they're too scared of you not to treat him like a priceless relic."

She backed up to look at him and sniffed, still concerned. "But… but what if we miss something?! What if he says his first words and we're not there to see it?"

Jellal gave her a look. Well, that was just… plain nuts. "Erza, he's two months old. He's not going to start speaking all of a sudden."

"But what if he's a genius like you are?! He could be!"

"Even then, I think he'd at least be able to babble before becoming able to speak."

"He _does_ babble."

"No, he gurgles and sighs… even coos a little sometimes – but that's not actual babbling."

Erza pouted, unsatisfied that her fears were not being taken into account again and again, and so, in response, Jellal reached down and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Look, I am nervous too," he told her. They might have decided to just go along with the dating plans that had suddenly been dropped on them, but handling their first separation from their baby was not easy. "But I'm sure everything will be alright in the end. Our friends may be idiots but they have never done anything to let us down. Shouldn't we try and give them the benefit of the doubt in return?"

The redhead lost a little bit of the tension she'd been feeling at his words of reassurance. "I guess…" Sighing, she allowed herself to relax by pressing her body against his. "I'm just not used to this… wanting to protect my baby but not having him with me." She tightened her hold on him, as if making him a surrogate for her son. "I don't like it."

"You'll get used to it," Jellal replied in a rather strained tone. Why the strained tone, one might ask? Well, because his beloved fiancee just happened to be unknowingly rubbing herself very hard against _something_ that hadn't received much attention in the past two months. And that _something_ as far as Jellal was concerned, was very much not welcomed into the emotional moment he and Erza were sharing.

It wasn't as if Porlyusica had forbidden the use of said _something_ on her compatible _something_ or there was any serious medical reason for the lack of… that sort of attention. The thing was that, between their introduction into child rearing and Erza's hormonal moods (which very much swung the opposite way of where they had during pregnancy, he supposed), she'd just never brought it up and Jellal, unwilling to be that jerk who demanded intimacy before the mother of his child was fully recovered (physically or emotionally) from giving birth, had taken it as a sign that he should avoid the matter as well.

Admittedly, it had not been easy, but if he'd been able to make it through years and years without that sort of intimacy before he and Erza had gotten together, he most definitely would make it until Erza was ready to take the first step. All he needed to do was to gather the willpower and command his blood not to rush downwards and embarrass him beyond belief… which he attempted to achieve by forcing himself to think of non-arousing subjects like sewage systems, parade music or former Oracion Seis's Brain in a tutu. He was starting to think it might just be working – he had, after all, forcibly gotten better at controlling the imagery in his head to spare Erik's mind (or rather to stop him from telling people about the exact content of his thoughts).

And then, Erza spoke.

"Jellal… I think we'll run out of hot water soon," she pointed out, detaching herself from him a little. "Maybe we should get to the washing part like you were suggesting before."

Oh, Merciful fate, he thought as the rubbing and general touching came to an end. "Yes, of course! Let's do just that!" he agreed excitedly

Erza smiled and pulled back even further, turning to face away from me. "So, will you wash my hair for me?" she asked softly.

Her hair… Soft red strands like the loveliest silk… strands he could caress for hours without an end. Undoubtedly his most beloved feature of hers, distantly followed by the second, her brea…

And, before he was even able to finish that sentence in his mind, he felt it. The blood he had so willfully been keeping away from his groin rushing down in a hurry because, of course, fate was a cruel mistress who gave with one hand and took with the other.

He let out a silent sigh of defeat and grabbed the shampoo. "Sure."

Who had he been kidding? He'd never stood a chance.

* * *

"Welcome to Café Venus, the perfect place to spend your Valentine's Day. Do you have a reservation or will you be waiting for a table?" the cheerful young waitress at the counter asked as Erza and Jellal walked into the establishment.

Jellal could hardly believe they had actually made it there on time. To be fair, he couldn't really complain about his luck so far. Same as faith had brought him his embarrassing shower ordeal, it had also solved it by willing the last drop of hot water in the house to fall just as Erza had finished washing the last bit of soap off her body. And, because it made no sense that both of them would have to be subjected to a cold shower when he was the only one who hadn't washed himself yet, it had been easy to convince Erza to get out of the shower and to use the freezing cold water to solve his own problem (which, with careful body positioning, Erza had been completely unaware to the very end).

Of course, there had also been the minefield-like way back to town… As it turned out, whenever someone passed by them with a baby or a stroller (quite often, given the recent baby-boom in Fiore), Erza would stop, requip into different types of threatening armor, stare said baby or stroller down until she was sure it wasn't her son and then, satisfied, requip back into her dating outfit. Said behavior had warranted them quite a bit of stares and at least one police intervention (only to confirm she wasn't drunk or something). The last wave of paranoia had hit Erza no more than fifty feet away from the café and lasted longer than any other because, unfortunately, the baby in question was also a boy and roughly the same age as their son, leading Jellal to believe for a moment that she would actually try to snatch it away. Thankfully, he was wrong and minutes later they bypassed the line of walk-ins waiting for a table together, having been already booked in.

"Er, I am told we have a reservation," Jellal told the waitress. "Under Jellal Fernandes, I think?"

"Oh, you're Mister Fernandes?" the waitress asked, perking up. She reached for something behind the counter and then her arm emerged, moving across it to hand him an envelope. "This was just delivered for you and a Miss Scarlet. I assume it is your companion."

Surprised, Jellal took it. "Yes, thank you," he said absently, reading their names on the envelope, that time written with a typewriter, before turning the envelope around and tearing it open. He faced the waitress for a moment. "Do you mind if we…?"

"Not at all. Go ahead, I'll wait," the girl assured them.

Jellal thanked her and returned his attention to the envelope. Inside, there was only what seemed to be a photograph and, once he removed it, he found himself looking at an image of his son pouting at the camera in confusion as he was held by someone with a paper bag over their head and a third someone, whose body had been mostly cut out of the picture leaving only their arms on display, held one of his son's pudgy arms up to make it look like he was waving and displayed an edition of that day's newspaper under him to prove it was not an old picture. In addition to that, Jellal couldn't help but notice that the sleeping clothes the baby had been wearing last time Jellal had seen him had been traded for an unfamiliar red body-suit with white hearts printed on it, which had been accessorized with a pair of feathery wings and some kind of white furry crown resembling a halo. Sweet Mavis… they had him dressed up as a cupid.

"_How dare those idiots?!_" Erza hissed as she peeked at the photo over his arm. She reached with her hand to trace the little boy's form, letting out a sigh. "My poor baby. They made me miss his first time cosplaying!"

Jellal's eyes widened incredulously. What?! "Erza…"

"Look at him pouting! He knows we should be there," the redhead declared, pouting herself. "He will resent us for missing it."

"He pouts all the time, Erza," her fiancé stated. "He hasn't learned many facial expressions yet. He's probably just confused and doesn't even know what 'cosplaying' is."

Erza sniffed, a bit sad even though he had a point. "He looks so cute like that. Like a little cherub," she mumbled, still caressing the baby's image on picture with the tip of her finger. "Be careful with that picture. It needs to go into his baby book."

Jellal sighed, promising himself to hide said book well once his son was old enough to be embarrassed by it. Mavis knew that if he didn't, Erza would most certainly bring it out as soon as he brought home his first girlfriend. He was just about to tuck the picture into his pocket when he noticed something scribbled on the back.

"Look, there's a message too," Jellal said, showing it to Erza.

"_Instructions will follow after brunch. Please be ready to go by 1 o'clock," _it said in all caps. "_Boy Erza says 'hi'."_

Erza nearly growled. "I am going to kill Natsu for making that nickname stick."

Jellal chuckled as he put the photo away in his pocket, mostly because he thought it was a rather fitting name – his two redheads were, after all, two peas in a pod. "Come on. We should head to the table," he told Erza, urging her towards the patiently-waiting waitress.

The place was bursting through the seams with couples celebrating Valentine's Day, so the waitress led them straight to the lofty second floor. The table that awaited them was located by the balcony-like railing, which allowed them to overlook a decent amount of the first floor.

"If you could just take your seats, I will be right back with the menu," the girl declared.

"That will not be necessary," Erza informed her. "Do you serve any dishes with strawberries on them?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact we do have a large selection of…"

"Good. Bring me one of each," the redhead instructed her.

"Erza!" Jellal said in disbelief.

The waitress blinked at her in confusion. "Ma'am, there are more than a dozen different items in our menu that have strawberries on them."

Erza was silent for a moment. "Do any of them also have lemon on them?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, our strawberry cheesecake and lemon-berry shortcake…"

"Good, bring me everything _but _that," Erza stated. "I assume that list includes drinks as well."

"Yes, there is a milkshake and a smoothie in it," the poor waitress said, sounding slightly disturbed.

"Perfect," the redhead stated with a tone of finality.

At that, the waitress looked at Jellal, probably waiting for him to make an equally appalling order.

"Hmm… I think I'll take a look at the menu myself," he told her.

The girl looked relieved by learning that she was in the presence of at least one (relatively) normal person and retreated to both pass Erza's order along and fetch Jellal's menu.

After they were both sat, Jellal felt the need to address the matter at hand. "Erza," he started.

"Jellal," she replied.

"Was it really necessary for you to order what must roughly be our son's weight in strawberry goods?"

"I missed breakfast this morning," she reminded him.

He sighed. Oh dear… "You do know that likely most of what you ordered is desserts, right? Because I feel like I need to remind you of a certain conversation the two us is had shortly after I moved in. A conversation about your… unorthodox eating habits… which in turn led us to a meeting with Porlyusica and subsequently being redirected to a funeral home…"

She frowned. "I remember that," she mumbled gruffly. "But I do believe that after spending nearly six months unable to stomach anything strawberry-flavored due to evil, mind-bending pregnancy hormones, I am warranted a certain amount of flexibility for the sake of making up for lost time."

Jellal sighed. He couldn't help but feel a bit guilty about that part. It had been hard seeing her spending months angsting over her forced separation from her favorite treats and feeling guilty over instead lusting over her most detested flavor – lemon. "Still… isn't over ten different dishes a little too much?"

She shrugged. "It is not like we are forbidden from taking the leftovers home. Besides…" she looked away and blushed, as if they were not, in fact, an established couple already who shared a home and a child "You don't really have to order something very filling for yourself. With all the things I ordered, you will probably find something you like in there."

He blinked for a moment. It was hardly the first time Erza offered to share her precious strawberry treats with him but never after six months of abstaining from them… he had half expected her to act like a rabid dog, barking at anyone who would even dare to look at her plate the wrong way. He should count himself honored, really. "Are you… sure?"

"I have just finally managed to fit back into my armor, Jellal. With my maternity leave, I am not subjected to all those calorie-burning and straining activities on a daily basis anymore. I really have to watch what I eat these days."

And she did just that… but ordering a double-digit-worth of dessert dishes. He loved that woman but her resistance against sweet treats was nil. He could only be thankful she could neither bake nor had the opportunity to take herself to a bakery these days due to the demanding little creature they had created together.

"Well, if that's the case, then…" he agreed.

The waitress from before came back with the menu and Jellal made a point of only ordering himself some interestingly-complicated hot drink they had described in it, as well as an extra plate and set of cutlery to accompany Erza's orders. She left looking a lot less weirded out likely relieved that no, that statuesque redhead might just not be some alien creature who could afford to eat 10+ plates of cake, mousse, pancakes and so on yet still stay in shape (even if said 10+ highly-caloric plates were still too much for two people in her humble opinion).

After she left, the couple was left on their own (or as much 'on their own' as being in a crowded café allowed) to enjoy each other's company.

"This place seems nice," Jellal commented, looking around and taking in the establishment's ambiance. The amount of pink and heart-shaped memorabilia was a bit distracting but he guessed it _was _Valentine's Day and if there was a time of the year to bring out the pink and the hearts that would be it. "The food looks good, though," he added as he saw the waiters carrying plates of food around.

"I will let my taste buds make that judgment," Erza replied stoically, even if her mouth started salivating every time she spotted a tray containing her favorite red fruit. "This café seems rather popular. I'm surprised I didn't hear of it before."

"Well, we haven't been really on the loop, what with the baby and everything," Jellal stated. "I guess it's just one of these things that come along with parenthood…"

"It's worth it," she said immediately.

"You won't hear me questioning that," he agreed.

She sighed. "Can I see that picture again?" she requested.

Mildly amused, Jellal reached into his pocket, pulled it out and placed it into her outstretched hand. He watched it as she brought it closer and pouted at it, likely yearning to hold her little boy like his kidnappers were. And then, after maybe a minute, she pulled it really close to her face, as if she had just noticed something.

"What is it?!" he asked, slightly alarmed.

"His sock is inside out! They have him wearing a sock the wrong way around! How dare they?!"

Jellal stared. "Erza, it's a _sock_. He probably pried it off with his other foot like he always does and they just put it back on."

"But what if the outside part of it was dirty and now there's all sorts of evil germs rubbing against the precious skin of my baby's foot?!"

"He doesn't even walk, Erza, so why would his socks be that dirty if they weren't even on the floor?"

"Maybe it fell there! You don't know that! Think of the germs, Jellal!"

He frowned. "Since when are you so obsessed about germs?"

"I…" She wasn't. Not at all. If anything, she was the opposite, thinking that what didn't kill her made her stronger. But when it came to her baby being on somebody else's hands, no worry was too absurd. "It's a legitimate concern! This is only a piece of evidence on their incompetence as caregivers!"

He could only sigh. "Oh, Erza, you really are someth…"

But, before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by the sound of somebody shouting downstairs. And since their table, right by the loft's railings, had full view of the foyer, they practically had a premium box seat to watch the whole commotion. Not that it would really be necessary since they recognized the voice before even facing that way.

"_For two?!_" they heard Evergreen's shrill shout coming from downstairs. She was, unsurprisingly, accompanied by none other than Elfman. "_No! No, no, no! We're not here together! We would like two tables for one! I guess they can be close to each other since I'm already used to putting up with this oaf but only to spare some other poor, innocent soul!_"

"_T… two tables for one?_" they heard the café employee handling them. She was speaking in a much lower volume but the acoustics still allowed them to hear her. "_Ma'am, it's Valentine's Day. I don't think we can afford to allot two tables for half the occupancy…_"

"_You're telling me I have to share a table with this guy just because it's Valentine's Day? What if he gets some insane idea like… I don't know, that we're dating or something?_" they heard Evergreen shouting.

"_Why would I want to date an unmanly woman like you?!_" Elfman spat back.

"_If you want someone manly, then why don't you just go ahead and date a man?!_"

"_Not that manly!_"

"_Could've fooled me!_"

"Sweet Mavis," Jellal mumbled, taking in the scene.

Erza shook her head in disapproval. "Airing out their dirty laundry in public," she said. "How embarrassing."

"If they are so set on not admitting any feeling for each other, or at least having them known publicly, why did they even come out together on Valentine's Day?" he questioned.

"I wouldn't know," Erza replied. "They are a very chaotic, _tsudere_-like couple. At the end of the day, I do think they are good together but I still wouldn't presume to understand how their minds work."

There was a moment of silence.

"We were never like that, were we?" Jellal asked, just to make sure. Meredy had often referred to them as 'adorably infuriating', after all.

"Mavis, no. The delay in the development of our romance was simply based on factors that neither of us could control. And your self-blaming pigheadedness, of course."

"Those were also legitimate concerns," he argued. They still were sometimes.

Erza simply raised her eyebrows.

"They were!" he insisted. "You were always the brightest light in my life… it wasn't easy to accept that you would settle for someone as tainted as I was when you deserved only the best this world could provide."

"I did get the best," Erza replied. She picked up the picture she had put down and handed it back to him, pointing at the baby in the middle. "And the best also gave me this. What's a word to describe something even better than the best?"

"There really isn't one. The point of the best is… well, being _the_ best," he explained.

"Well, then I guess my best has two parts," she settled, blushing a little. "One tiny in size and one bigger."

He could do nothing more than smile in return.

Downstairs, the waitress was still desperately trying to find a solution for the situation for the two belligerent costumers. Really, the staff in that café deserved an award for the patience.

"_I guess if they are opposite ends of a corner booth and there is no other solution, the manly thing to do would be giving in…_" Elfman admitted.

"_Reluctantly! We will reluctantly give in!_" Evergreen made a point of highlighting. "_I wouldn't go on a date with this oaf if he was the last male in the world._"

"_That is a very unmanly thing to say but I agree!_"

What?

A throat was cleared by the side of Erza and Jellal's table and, once they turned, they found their waitress from before and a colleague carrying each four huge of Erza's food.

"Your orders, Ma'am," the waitress said. "There is still a Miscellaneous Fruit Parfait, a Berry Sorbet and a Strawberry Torte on the way."

Jellal could only watch in disbelief as the waitress and her workmate covered the _entire surface of the table _with plates full of what must be the largest group of decadent food he had ever laid eyes on, to the point that they had to bring a little utility cart to place the rest on. He had known she had ordered a _lot_ of food but, for the love of Mavis, he had not been prepared for the humongous size of the servings they brought along.

"Dear God, Erza," he whispered. "What _is _this?"

"Heaven," she replied, her eyes sparkling in excitement. "Pure _heaven_."

* * *

The bill had been outrageous. The leftovers would've lasted them a week, were Erza Scarlet not a member of their household. Still, as far as Jellal was concerned, it had been worth it, if not for anything else, then for Erza's pure, unadulterated delight (not that he wasn't a little jealous when, at one point after taking a bite out of something that somehow contained strawberries, chocolate shortcake and a shocking amount of cream, Erza had reached across the table and gripped his hand with a look on her face that he had only before seen in their most intimate moments in the bedroom…).

In the end, he had mostly just eaten the fruit parfait himself and had a few bites of something or other while watching Erza utterly cheat on him with edible goods (something, he told himself, he'd have to learn to live with).

"Are you sure they won't get lost?" Erza questioned by the counter as the staff gathered her leftovers, having offered to hold onto them while they enjoyed the rest of the day together.

"No, ma'am. All the boxes will be labeled with your name and stored until you come back for them later today," the waitress assured her.

"Are you absolutely certain you won't accidentally switch them with somebody else's?" she insisted, much to Jellal's exasperation.

The waitress's eye twitched. "Ma'am, I _assure _you that nobody else we have hosted today has left us with an amount of leftovers even remotely close in size to yours. They would be impossible to mix up."

That seemed to reassure her. "I see," she said.

The waitress nodded and, for the second time that day, reached for an envelope behind the counter, handing it to them. "This was delivered for you with instructions to be handed over on your way out," she explained. "I hope you have enjoyed your meal with us."

"We did. Very much," Jellal responded as he took the envelope, before Erza could go into poetic detail about how much she had loved the food she had been served. "Thank you for your patience," he had to add, his eyes vaguely darting towards Erza.

They left the establishment together and didn't open the envelope until they were outside, where the lunch crowd was already gathering.

"What does it say?" Erza demanded before he barely had a chance to read it. "Is there another picture?"

"Not this time," he replied before proceeding to read the message out loud. "_Step two: Head to Magnolia Spa. There is a booking under Erza's name. Prepare yourselves for an afternoon of relaxation (and be ready to leave by 5 o'clock). Much love from the FTAFTASL._"

The two of them paused and blinked at each other.

"Magnolia has a spa?" Erza asked in confusion.

**A/N2: Next up: Spa fun, an unexpected (and not very welcome) run in with a certain someone, and, Jellal and Erza straying from the FTAFTASL's plans.**

**Tell me your thoughts on this chapter! **


	3. The Spa

**A/N: Well, this chapter are has been hard to get out... If you follow me on tumblr, you must have witnessed my epic meltdown last week over technical difficulties with my laptop. And then, when I had things almost fully finished, I decided I didn't like it and scrapped like 80%. It is still not completely the way I wanted it but it's as close as it's going to get, I think.**

**Warning: This one is an M (not a hard M since it doesn't show _that part_ but still an M)**

One of the things about being a fugitive was that one didn't have time to do many things for the sake of relaxation and recreation… especially fugitives with an infamous facial tattoo, which seemed to be resistant to all sorts of transformation magic. As such, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the first time Jellal Fernandes walked into a spa was, in fact, Magnolia Spa (which, as it turned out, was a recently-opened and a rebranded version of the town's dingy old bathhouse) on that very same Valentine's day.

His first impression: there was little love for fabric in spas. And by very little, he meant _very, very little._

It started with the changing rooms, where they were ushered on arrival by a male clerk, who instructed them to strip completely and change into robes provided by the Spa. The existence of a robe was soothing in the way that it, at least, preserved some of their modesty but such a thing was dampened by the fact that it basically only stayed on in the hallways, not being permitted, for instance, in the sauna or the steam room, where they were expected to wear only a towel, or even the mud bath that someone had oh-so-kindly booked for them, which they were supposed to take _without a stitch on_.

(He had a feeling that someone in that blasted FTAFTASL might be mocking them because, as much the reception clerk assured him that, no, it wasn't regular backyard mud and that it did wonders to the skin, bathing in 'mud' felt like an extremely silly thing to do – something that, in a couple of years, he could see himself trying to stop his son from doing).

Of course, it was not everybody else's near-nakedness that bothered him. No, he could very well ignore the many half-naked men and women prancing around without a blink of an eye. However, _Erza's_ eager adherence to the near-nudist atmosphere of the Spa was another story altogether. A story that brought him not one, but instead two problems, especially in the sauna and the steam room (where they had been instructed to go ahead of their scheduled mud bath for the sake of 'opening their pores'): one – the natural reaction of his body to the sight of his beloved's body covered only by a towel (a towel that, due to her post-pregnancy-increased assets, frequently threatened to slip off); two – the mindless jealousy he got every time some bastard _dared_ to look at her the wrong way. If looks could kill, he would have committed mass murder after a fifteen-minute session in the sauna.

It only got worse when they moved from the sauna to the steam room, which just happened to be empty, aside from the two of them.

"_Oh my god, Erza, what are you doing?!" _he asked in alarm when he saw her starting to pry the towel from around herself as soon as he closed the door behind him.

"Taking the towel off," she said, naturally.

"B-but you can't do that!" he protest.

She stopped tugging at the towel, moving her hands to her waist in a clearly 'displeased' sort of pose. "Why not? The point of a steam room is having the hot dampness of the air reach your skin and unclog your pores, so wearing a towel as a barrier defeats that purpose," she rationalized.

"But… but…"

Erza frowned at him. "I don't understand why you're acting like that. You're never this prudish at home."

"P-prudish?" he said slightly offended (even though he had to admit that he might be a little prudish indeed). "But home is home and it's just the two of us!"

"It's just the two of us in here too," she remarked, gesturing to their surroundings.

"For _now_! Somebody could walk in at any moment and see you!"

She shrugged. "I have no problems with being seen naked," she said. "People can be so fussy about little things like that…"

_Well, I do!_ he thought, although he refrained himself from stating so because it just sounded too possessive. Desperate, he looked around in search for an argument to use against her… and, for one, fate was kind enough to give him one. "Look!" he stated, pointing at a sign by the door. "It says 'no nudity'! It's forbidden!"

The redhead looked at it and frowned. "Well, that just doesn't make sense! Why would they even have steam rooms if people can't get naked in them?!" she protested. "That''s just pointless!"

But Erza was Erza and because rules were rules, she would follow them, even if she wasn't happy about it.

At her apparent defeat, Jellal sighed in relief – it was a little victory. Honestly, he didn't think would be able to handle resisting her naked body when he was already so hot and bothered by the fact that she was sitting by his side, sweaty and scantily clad. It was so hard doing so already when he felt blood reaching south every time he saw a little droplet of sweat slip down from her neck, cross the path between her clavicles and finally diving sensually down the vale between her breas…

_Ouch._

Extremely uncomfortable, he cursed whoever's sadistic mind had come up with the brilliant idea of a Spa trip on that twisted little group that had kidnapped his son. Maybe he should have just let Erza hunt them down and kill them like she'd wanted to at first. He would have been spared a world of trouble for sure…

His lust for Erza became slightly easier to control when, as he had predicted, they were joined in the steam room by several other couples. In the company of other people, a slightly less perverted side of him took over, reducing his pull to jump her and have his way with her right then and there out of shame and social awareness. Also, there was also the fact that he was busy glaring daggers at the dirty old man whose eyes were positively glued to Erza's cleavage.

After maybe twenty minutes, Erza grew bored of the steam room and suggested they leave for the mud bath, whose appointed time was growing near, since they would still need to rinse off the sweat in the showers before heading there. He agreed eagerly, relieved to leave that cursed, scorching hot room and they took separate ways to their respective gender-segregated changing rooms, agreeing to meet again near the towel counter a few minutes later.

And so, after some time under his second cold shower of the day, Jellal made his way back to the agreed meeting place feeling somewhat less tense. Erza was already there (as expected, from someone who could get in and out of clothes in the blink of an eye), he noticed, and something about her was… odd. There was a frown on her face and she was holding herself in a rather… defensive pose.

"What's wrong?" he asked once he reached her.

"I feel strange," she informed him.

"Strange?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Is it your stomach? Mavis, I _knew_ I shouldn't have let you eat all those sweets…"

"It is not my stomach and there was nothing wrong with the sweets! They were deliciously decadent. It's just a feeling I'm having… like… like I'm prey for something…"

Jellal frowned. "Prey…? You mean for some sort of wild animal or something?"

And then…

"_My honey!_" came a familiar suave voice from somewhere nearby

"_Kyaaaaaa!" _Erza screamed loudly before literally jumping towards Jellal, holding onto him for protection in a way that was unspeakably out-of-character.

Jellal stared in disbelief at the man who was standing in front of him. "I-Ichiya-san?!" he stuttered.

"Jelall-san, my rival in love," the short man said in greeting before turning to face Erza, who still seemed mortified. "What a marvelous coincidence that I would run into my flower on the day of love…"

"Coincidence?!" she shrieked. "You expect me to believe that _this_ is a coincidence?!"

"Ah… Fate, perhaps…"

She let out a thoroughly inhuman howl just as somebody nearby cleared their throat.

"Excuse me," the female clerk who has been previously manning the towel counter said, having approached them to see what all the noise was about. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, perfectly," Jellal assured. "I apologized for our excitement this was an… unexpected run-in."

"A… are you sure?" the girl asked, watching it as Erza murdered Ichiya with her eyes.

Jellal nodded. "We will try to keep it down from now on."

"I-if you say so…" she mumbled, walking away even though she wasn't fully reassured. Just as long as they didn't start a fight…

After she was gone, Jellal made a point of trying to calm Erza down. "Erza, please don't do anything crazy in here or you'll get us kicked out," he reminded her, touching her shoulder.

If she heard his words, she certainly didn't acknowledge them. Instead, she took a step towards Ichiya and pointed her finger towards him. "I have had just about _enough_ of you," she told him. "I may respect you as a fellow mage and even… even maybe as a friend." And she used that term very, _very _loosely. "But I do not have the sort of feelings for you that you want me to have! I am getting married to another man! I have a child by him! _What more do I need to do for you to get the message and stop chasing me?!"_

As her tone reached new heights towards the end, Jellal couldn't help but glance at the girl on the counter, only to see her frowning. If they kept that up, she'd be calling security in no time.

"But no, my honey. It is nothing like that. Although my heart will always beat for you and weep for my inability to charm you into being a part of my life, my mind has already accepted that the flames of our love will never burn as hot as the ones you share with your beau," Ichiya declared.

Eh? That was unexpected. Had he just declared defeat.

"Then what on Earthland are you doing here?!" Erza demanded, although her tone wasn't as loud as before.

"Why, I came to spend this marvelous day with my other halves, of course."

"Your other halves?" Erza asked in utter disbelief.

And then, another very similar voice came from her side, causing her to let out a little yelp. "_You smell… exquisite."_

It was the exceed – the one that looked _just like _Ichiya. She was surrounded. _Help!_

"You have met Nichiya before, I believe," Ichiya introduced his companion. "As you well-know, he is my Edolas counterpart. As such, we are two halves of a whole."

"Two faces of the same coin," Nichiya supplied.

"Partners for life," the man declared. "And what is that if not love?"

Jellal blinked, trying to understand what was going on as Erza clutched onto his arm like a vice, positively horrified that the source her uncomfortableness had just doubled. Had Ichiya just admitted to having an affair with his… cat counterpart? Or was it a platonic life-partnership? It felt very confusing… and considerably disturbing. Not only were they different species, but also they were essentially the same person… And also… "But didn't you say 'halves'? As in… plural?" Jellal had to ask.

"But of course! My third half! The second object of my love and adoration! My beloved younger sister, blood of my blood!" Ichiya declared.

There was a moment of silence. "You have a sister?" Erza asked in disbelief. She had never heard of such a thing.

"Indeed. Ichiko studies far away in the country of Pergrande, the land of the most exquisite scents, to be a perfume mage just like her brother. She came to Fiore to visit us, her flesh and blood, in this glorious occasion and Master Bob gave us vouchers for this trendy new Spa. Ichiko is a flower among women!" he declared. "Her perfume has the intensity of a thousand suns!"

Sweet Mavis, Jellal thought. Not only was he potentially dating his cat but also his words just _screamed _'sis-con' for everyone to hear. "That's… that's very touching to hear," Jellal said diplomatically.

By then, Erza was feeling more than a little awkward due to her earlier speech. "I see that this was a coincidence indeed. I apologize if my words sounded… harsh, then," she mumbled, looking away.

"Oh, no, my love. The matters of the heart must be settled clearly, else people may be led on unknowingly," he reassured her, looking far more composed than any of them would expect him to. In fact, he was taking the whole situation extremely well and in no way close to the endless waterworks Erza and Jellal might have pictured beforehand. "You mentioned that there were wedding bells in the horizon, my honey," Ichiya said. "Is there a date yet? Shall I expect an invitation soon?"

"No. The baby has kept us occupied," Erza replied. She didn't say anything about the invitation – she was actually surprised that he wanted to be invited. With the way he acted around her, she would have expected him to spend her entire wedding day weeping over chocolate and wine or something equally decadent. He was a never-ending parade of surprises that day.

"Ah, yes, the child. The flawless fruit my honey's body bore," he said dramatically. "I believe I have not had a chance to feel his perfume yet. Tell me, how is the boy?"

"He… he should be okay," she mumbled, pouting a little. Part of her wanted to go and check on the veracity of that statement immediately.

"Should?"

"It's a long story," Jellal simply said, not wanting to get into detail about the unorthodox babysitting arrangements..

"Ah…"

"Big brother!" came a voice from a distance. They looked towards the source and found… well, a female version of Ichiya.

She was, basically, Ichiya with breasts and dressed up in drag. They had the same, short, stocky build, the same rectangular face with a large, flat nose, the same tanned skin, the same hair color cropped into slightly different hairstyles, the same everything aside from the developed chest, lack of adam's apple and stubble… it was, to put it simply, an extremely disturbing sight.

"Ah, Ichiko, my angel," Ichiya greeted his sister as she approached. "Come and meet somebody very important to me. My honey, Erza Scarlet."

"Oh_,_ the one you always talk about," female Ichiya said, some resentment in her tone (not completely out of place, Jellal rationalized, as Erza was the object of Ichiya's unrequited love).

"And, of course, her beloved, Jellal Fernandes," Ichiya added, sounding a little pained.

Ichiko gave him a look and, judging by her face, was not impressed. "A pleasure to meet you both," she said in an airy tone, even though she clearly didn't mean it. Then, she turned back to Ichiya. "Are we going into the sauna first, big brother?" she asked.

"If that is what you wish, my angel. We are your humble servants today," he spoke to his sister (with a tone that _nobody_ should use with someone they were related to by blood). He then looked at Erza and made a little bow. "Farewell, my honey. It was a delight seeing you today, in such a special day. And Jellal-san as well, of course. My feline counterpart and I must leave."

"Farewell," Nichiya echoed, floating on wings after Ichiya.

And, just as bizarrely as they'd come, they were gone. Of course, not _all_ versions of Ichiya had abandoned deck yet.

"Now, you listen up, you _hussy!"_

It took Jellal and Erza about five seconds to realize that the 'hussy' in question was Erza herself.

"_Excuse me?!_" Erza replied.

"Yes, excuse _you!_ You had better stop playing my big brother around! He can do much better than you!"

"I am not playing anybody's brother around!" Erza said in disbelief before pointing at Jellal. "I'm engaged to him!"

Ichiko snorted. "_Please. _Who would prefer…" she hesitated, looking at Jellal and thinking of a word to describe him "… _that_ over my perfect older brother? Ichiya is a perfect specimen of a man! Suave… well-dressed… masculine… What's so good about that blue-haired guy of yours?! He's too tall… and too pretty! Like a girl! And what is that tattoo about? Is he _yakuza_ or something?"

Jellal gaped at the insult. A girl?! And _yakuza?_ He had been accused of many things in his time, but being a member of the mob was not one of them.

Erza, somehow, was even more offended. "How _dare you spew such nonsense?!"_

"Yeah, yeah! Go on playing difficult! Just do it away from big brother! _He's mine!"_ And, with that said, Ichiko Vandalay Kotobuki walked away, leaving them both standing there, utterly stunned.

"Did that… just happen?" Jellal asked weakly.

"That… that…" Erza just let out a sound of frustration. "That demented little bro-con! What is wrong that that family?!"

"I'm a little scared on Ichiya's behalf," Jellal mumbled.

"She… she… _she said you looked like a girl! How dare she?! You – a girl! It's preposterous! _Just how warped is her mind? I mean, look at you! Your abs! Did she see your abs? No, she did _not_. Maybe you should have shown her – I would have liked to see her calling those 'girly'!

"Oh, god, Erza, _please_ stop," Jellal begged. She wasn't exactly speaking in hushed tones and they were starting to get strange looks from people, which was too embarrassing for him to take. "I promise that I am confident about my lack of 'girly-ness'. You don't need to convince me."

"Good. You should be," she said in a tone of finality. "A girl… crazy!"

He sighed. "Come on, let's just go to that… ugh, _mud bath_," he said, a little disgusted. "We're cutting it close already."

* * *

For all his squeamishness on the matter, the mud bath actually turned out to be the least stressful of the activities he had been put through at that Spa, Jellal considered as he lay neck-deep in grey goo.

The suite they'd been led into was a pleasant one, illuminated by candlelight and with soft, nature sounds playing on the background. It had a two-person bathtub on the center full to the brim with the aforementioned grey goo and it was wide enough that they lay comfortably side by side without being piled onto each other, resting against opposite ends of the tub so that they were facing each other at a distance.

But, of course, if he had to name one favorite thing about the mud bath he was currently in, he wouldn't stop to think twice about it: opaqueness.

That was right: what he liked the most was the fact the he couldn't see anything below the water line… or rather, the mud line. There could be fish swimming somewhere in there and he wouldn't be able to see it… just as he would not be able to see Erza's tempting naked body. Sure, there was still closeness and gentle brushes of Erza's hand against his leg or his hand against hers, but without her body on full display, it was fully bearable. And even if it wasn't and his blood travelled south, she couldn't see it any more than he could see her.

No more torture. No more tension. No more need to have full control of his blood circulation. It was, in all, the perfect arrangement.

Or so he thought, for the first ten to fifteen minutes of the mud bath. Because after those minutes passed, he felt the mud shifting around him, prompting him to snap his eyes open and pull his mind away from the nap he had been about to take. Right there, in front of him, Erza was shifting in the tub and… moving towards him.

"Erza, what…?"

"That backrest wasn't feeling all that comfortable to my back," she told him, resting on her hands and knees right above him. "And then, I found myself thinking – why should I just have to bear with it when I have a much better back rest right here?"

"Wha…?"

Before he knew it, she was using one knee to part his legs, turning her body around 180 degrees and sitting right between them, her back resting against his front.

_Her back against his front._

Torture had returned. Tension threw havoc. His blood circulation went haywire. The perfect arrangement was no more.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked.

He did. Very much so. "No, not at all," he said instead, hiding the strain in his tone as best as he could.

He had a problem. A big problem.

"Mmm… this mud feels so nice and warm," she mumbled, settling comfortably against him. "I wonder what temperature they keep it…"

"Actually, there's a thermometer right over there," he said, gesturing at the object hanging from the edge of the tub a few feet ahead.

"There is?" she said in surprise.

And then, blessedly, she was no longer pressing her back against his tense front, giving him some relief, even if momentary, as she leaned forward to reach the thermometer. Said relief, didn't last long, however. Why? Because as soon as his eyes landed on her forward-leaning self, he noticed that she wasn't quite straight, but instead a little sideways, facing slightly towards the edge which, in turned, caused a little bit of sideboob to show.

By then, he was done. He was so exhausted of that torture that no amount of effort could have stopped his blood from moving right to his groin, became was very noticeable to her once she finally leaned back again and got poked by… well, _it_.

"Wha…?" Erza mumbled in confused. "Did they leave a soap bar in here?" she cluelessly asked. And then, she reached back to grab said 'soap bar' and… "_Oh."_

He wanted to hide. He wanted to dive completely into that mud and just be left there to drown. They could just let his body go down the drain with the afterwards – he didn't even deserve a proper burial. Death was the only answer. Nobody could survive such… such _humiliation._

Unfortunately, he was not that lucky that death would come for him at that very moment…

She looked back, her face very red. "Jellal, are you…?"

"I'm sorry!" he nearly wailed. "I'm so sorry! It just… it just appeared on its own! I couldn't help it! Just… just ignore it and it will go away. _Please._"

But then, the embarrassment on her face turned into annoyance. "Are you really that opposed to sleeping with me now?!"

He blinked. "W-what?" he asked in confusion.

"Is it the baby weight?! Because I've already shed most of it!"

"What? No! Of course not! You… you're perfect! At any size!" Did she really think he was that insensitive?

"Oh, I see then… you feel squamish about _down there_, don't you? Just because I had a baby, it doesn't mean it got me all messed up! Everything is where it is supposed to be! Porlyusica said I was good to go!"

He shook his head repeatedly. "No, it's not that either!"

"Then what?!"

"I…" he hesitated. "I thought you didn't want to?"

She frowned. "What? Why wouldn't I want to? We're getting married, Jellal."

"I know! But… but I thought you might not feel ready yet or that you just didn't feel like it… I mean, you're usually really forward, you know? But since you haven't said anything…"

"Forwardness takes inspiration," she declared. "How was I supposed to get any if you weren't showing any interest either?"

"But I had interest! I always have interest," he declared immediately, before reading the desperation on his words and blushing. "I was just trying to be sensitive about it… if you didn't want to, I…"

"_But I do want to!"_ she insisted. "It's been two months, Jellal! I am not a nun!"

"But hormones can…"

"Blast hormones!" she shouted.

"O-okay… then all this time I was holding out…"

"There was no reason for you to do so," Erza stated.

"Then…"

Silence. Absolute silence for close to thirty seconds. And finally…

Erza launched herself at him in a searing, hungry kiss – the type he had missed; the type he had _needed_. One of his hands dug into her hair, careless about the mud covering it, as the other rested on her lower back she sat astride him.

As they ruthlessly devoured each other, the mud around them splashed, moved in waves, overflowed past the edge of the tub, making a complete mess on the floor. But they didn't care. They were too busy with each other, not letting their kiss break away because it felt like if they did let it happen, they would completely break apart into tiny pieces.

Never had their love been so desperate. Or so messy. They shifted positions several times in the midst of their kissing, the rush of their moves likely gracing them with future bruises, one after another. They just didn't seem able to stop…

That is, until Jellal started to sink. Literally.

"Slipping," he said, out of breath after breaking the kiss.

"What?"

"I'm slipping!" he repeated. But it was too late. Under Erza's weight, he slipped down the backrest, half of his face sinking into the mud before he could do anything. By the time he managed to get out, he was winding deeply. "Blergh… there's mud in my mouth… disgusting."

"This is not a very practical arrangement," Erza admitted as her fiancé reached for a clean towel that had been placed outside the tub and used it to try and wipe the mud from his tongue.

"Tell me about it," he agreed, pausing for a moment. "And beyond unsanitary… I think we have to stop."

Deep in thought, Erza didn't respond immediately. And then, when it seemed like she'd reached some conclusion, rather than speaking, she got up, fully exposing her naked, mud-covered body. Jellal's eyes nearly shot out of his skull.

"That is not helping me want to stop!" he said immediately.

"Get in the showers!" she demanded.

And, again, his eyes widened, convinced that she was just about to have her way with him in the shower instead, which wouldn't be a problem, were they home or even behind a locked door, which wasn't the case. Their session was due to end soon – a member of the staff was due to check on them at any time!

Thankfully, he was wrong about his assumption and she was, in fact, rushing him to the shower so they could scrub the mud off their bodies and leave to somewhere private. She might be lax about her own nudity, but when it came to lovemaking, she was no exhibitionist. Most of the time, at least.

It was, without a doubt, the fastest, yet most thorough shower they had ever shared, scrubbing each other clean from the grey muck like there was no tomorrow. By the time the staff member overseeing the mud baths knocked on their suite's door to warn them of the time, they were already back in their robes and rushing out to the changing rooms, where they retrieved their clothes.

"Leaving so soon?" the reception clerk asked in surprise when he saw them hurrying into the lobby. "Your package still had a few hours of hot spring usage included…"

"Sudden emergency," Erza replied.

"I think I left the oven on," Jellal said instead.

For a moment, they were both silent, thinking of how to mix both excuses. "We need to make sure the oven is turned off," Erza finally provided. "_Urgently_."

"Oh, you really do! My auntie's house burned down like that! She thought she was just being silly about not being sure if she'd turned the oven on, ignored it and then came back home to a pile of ash."

Either the guy was really gullible or genuinely traumatized by his aunt's plight. "Yes, that's what makes it an emergency!" Jellal eagerly agreed.

Erza shuddered. He really was a _horrible_ liar.

They settled the bill in a flash and probably over-payed by a lot because 'a flash' consisted of Erza placing a pile of random bills on the counter and telling the man to keep the change before running out. They were about ten yards past the door when the clerk ran after them, handing over an envelope.

"I was given this to deliver to you on your way out. I guess it's sooner than planned but at least you have it."

"Thank you," Jellal said in a hurry, only having the time to take the envelope and shove it into his pants' pocket before Erza grabbed his arm and all but dragged him away.

He didn't protest at all, just letting himself be pulled like luggage… that is, until he found them going the wrong way.

"Erza, the way to our house is on the opposite direction!" he warned her.

"Forget home. We'll never make it there."

"Then where…" He stopped speaking as she pulled them into dingy alley and his eyes widened in alarm. "Erza, you can't mean to… for us to… _here!_"

"Shh… don't be too noisy. They don't like attention called into this place," Erza said in a hushed tone.

"What?"

She dragged him all the way to the back of the alley and then pushed a rather discrete door open, through which they walked. Suddenly, Jellal found himself standing in a bare room, which seemed to have nothing but a vending machine and an archway leading to another room in it. He raised an eyebrow when Erza let go of his hand and approached the machine, feeding a bill to it that prompted something to fall down, into the collection receptacle. When she turned around and showed him that the fallen object was a key, his eyes widened in disbelief.

"_Oh my god, is this a love hotel?!"_

"Shhh!" she hushed him, taking his arm again and dragging him to a hallway, which they walked along, towards the room with whatever number was in her key. When they reached it, she opened the door and dragged him in, closing the door behind them.

The room didn't have windows, likely for the sake of privacy. It didn't look like anything special but it didn't seem like a dump either. At least it seemed clean, Jellal observed, and he couldn't help but be curious about how on Earthland Erza knew that in that dingy alley, behind some non-descript door, there was a love hotel. A love hotel with a _vending machine_ for a reception desk. He certainly had never heard of such a strange arrangement.

Before he had a chance to even open his mouth, however, he was pushed onto the bed by Erza, who climbed over him and unceremoniously resumed the make-out session they had begun in the mud bath.

Her mouth was even more demanding than before, travelling quickly from his mouth to his neck, doing positively sinful things that had his eyes rolling to the back of his head. And once she felt like continuing further down the path she was tracing and his shirt turned out to be on the way, the upper-body garment became the first victim of their lust.

"Erza!" He nearly shrieked when she ripped it to shreds. "Why are you in such a hurry?!"

"The room is only ours for the next two hours," she declared, pulling away a little and straightening herself up, so he could fully see her as he looked up at her. Then, when she was sure his eyes were on her, she gave him an eyeful by using her requip magic to shed _every single piece of clothing on her body_.

His jaw dropped. He could see her naked body a million times and it would never get old.

"Shall we make that time worth the money?" she suggested.

Well… who was he to disagree?

It wouldn't be until later that he'd consider that those should _not_ be the Valentine's Day plans that the FTAFTASL had in mind.

**A/N2: Fair warning, don't expect smut next chapter. Just the afterglow. I'm not really inspired to write smut right now...**

**Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Tell me your thoughts. Next chapter should be the last one in this fic.**


	4. The End

**A/N: And so, here is the final chapter of my Valentine's Day odyssey! Sorry for the delay! I had to split my time between this and my little project for Jellal Appreciation Day (tomorrow!). Hope you like it!**

The first round was fast. A tad _too _fast but both of them were in too much of a hurry to care – they just wanted to lay their hands on one another, hard and quick as they could to make up for the lost time. Any pleasure lost to the excitement of that first rushed round was recovered on the second one, which was almost as hard, but not nearly as desperate.

It was on the third round – a slower, more intimate affair – that they took the time to really reconnect with the familiar curves of each other's bodies, as well as getting to know the new ones that had appeared in the meantime, mapping them through languid touches and kisses.

After that one, Jellal hadn't thought he could have gone another round, so he just just lay there in exhaustion … that was, until Erza – who, being Erza, was nothing if not a limit-tester – had crawled onto him and seductively straddled his hips, demanding a fourth go. Thankfully, she wasn't much less worse for wear than he was and, if one had to use one single word to describe their fourth lovemaking session of the day, it would be 'lazy'. Downright lazy.

In the end, they couldn't have given it a fifth go if they tried – the bed was like a battlefield and they just lay there like defeated soldiers in a battle against their own lust for each other. Ironically, though, such a feeling was far more relaxing than one hundred mud baths could ever feel – thinking back, they really could have just skipped that part of the day altogether and saved themselves a lot of trouble, Jellal considered, briefly thinking back to their run-in with Ichiya and his doppelgangers with a wince.

Thankfully, it wasn't too hard for him to find something – or rather someone – to distract him from his disturbing Ichiya-shaped thoughts: by his side, Erza snoozed lightly, lying down on her stomach with her head facing away from him as it rested sideways on the pillow.

Even if he was unable to see her face from his current position, her exposed back was more than enough to fill his thoughts – silently, he marveled at the paleness of her skin (flawless in his eyes, even if marred by the scars left behind by her Tartarus ordeal) at how perfectly her hair (darkened and slightly stringy from sweat) contrasted with it. He was particularly fascinated by the few loose strands resting against the curve of her shoulder, making it look just so… _kissable_. It _was _close too, barely two inches away from his face, and he felt tempted to actually do it – kiss it. It wasn't as if he couldn't, after all.

Gone was the uneasiness, the hesitation upon expressing his adoration for Erza. There were no words to describe how silly he felt for suffering in silence when it seemed Erza had wanted him just as much as he had wanted her all these weeks. Parenthood might have dimmed their opportunities to act on their desire but it most certainly had not dampened the desire itself. So, feeling bold for once, he closed that couple of inches between his face and her shoulder and, brushing those loose strands of hair out of the way, he pressed a kiss to her warm skin.

Somewhere in the land between consciousness and unconsciousness, Erza reacted with a little moan that had him smiling with satisfaction. Then, taking the leap back into consciousness, she shifted on the bed and lifted her head, turning it on the pillow to face the opposite direction, in which Jellal just happened to be. Her hair was adorably mussed up, all over her face, matching the hazy look in her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said sheepishly, reaching forward with his hand to brush her hair away from her face. "I just couldn't resist."

"I wasn't really sleeping," she mumbled, scooting closer until she lay half on top of him, using his chest as a pillow. "I just… feel so light that I think I might start floating at any moment. I had no idea how much I needed this…"

He smiled. "That makes two of us."

"We could have just skipped the Spa, really," she mumbled.

His reaction was a chuckle. "I was just thinking the very same thing," he informed her in amusement, running his fingers through her hair. "So, do you see now? That taking a break from parenthood is not all that bad? Because if Mommy is relaxed, then baby will be relaxed too and if baby is relaxed, then baby is happy."

She mumbled something that was muffled against his chest

"What was that?" he asked, not getting it.

She lifted her head a little. "I said yes… but I still miss him."

His lips curled. "Yeah, me too. We'll have him back in no time, though."

"I know… but I just can't help worrying, you know?" she mumbled. "He's so small and so… so _you_."

"So me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "Sometimes I look at him and wonder… The way he plays with my hair all the time and looks curious about everything even though he's so little… I feel like he's just like you… before. When we were at the tower."

Her words stunned him because he had never seen them coming. His son? Like him? The way he saw it, he was just like Erza, if anything!

"You were so cheerful back then… and so innocent at the same time. It was incredibly contagious too," she told him, lifting her head to look him in the eyes. "We were in hell but you never lost hope… that is, until…" she paused, shaking her head. "Sometimes I dream that I go back in time and that I protect you from all the things that happened, so you wouldn't have had to lose that joy. But then, I wake up and I know that I can't. Don't get me wrong – I love you the way you are now. I'll love you, whichever shape of form you take. But it must be wonderful to live with that kind of unwavering joy within you… and I have a feeling that our son will get it from you, so, since I can't protect you, I'll protect him, so that he can keep it for as long as humanely possible."

He didn't know how to respond to that at first… It was at least thirty seconds before he spoke. "It wasn't that simple, you know?" he said. "That 'cheerfulness' as you put it, I mean. We were in hell, like you said, and I wasn't deluded enough to think otherwise. Most of the time, I smiled and went on believing there was a way out because I kept telling myself that if I didn't, nobody else would."

"Just the fact that you had the strength to make yourself do that shows how special you really were… still are, actually," Erza told him.

He sighed. "Sometimes I feel like you see me through rose-tinted glass, Erza."

"I don't," she firmly assured him. "You just happen to have a natural rose hue on you."

The blue-haired man couldn't help but chuckle at that. "If you say so," he said. "I've got to confess, though… I don't quite agree with you when you say that he is just like me… or even a younger me. Every time I look at him, I see you, most of all."

She raised an eyebrow. "Me? Why? Because he has red hair and cries a lot like I used to?"

"No. Because… because…" He was finding it hard to explain why he saw so much of Erza in his son. He couldn't say the baby had her strength because he was too little to do much more than eating, sleeping, pooping and being cute. He guessed the cuteness might be a factor – the baby had a tremendous amount of adorableness that he could just not picture on himself at all. But then again, he was often called adorable by others, even if he disagreed – Ultear had been especially fond of calling him 'cute' in all sorts of condescending ways, especially when the subject of Erza was involved (he could almost hear it all over again: "_It's just so cute that you actually think that she believed you'd have gotten yourself a fiancée while she was missing!_", _"Look Meredy – isn't the very picture of denial just adorable?", "Shomeone wooks sho, sho fwustewed ovew his pweety-haiwed wady *_cheek pinching ensues_*_"). "It's just a feeling, okay? I'm sure it will become increasingly obvious with time how much more similar he is to you than to me. Honestly, at this point, aside from physical similarities, it's hard to find anything so compare with either of us. He is still developing his personality, after all…"

"You think? Because I think I could take a guess at where his obsession with my hair came from…"

_Touché. _He couldn't have possibly been caught more red-handed, seeing as his fingers were brushing the very strands in question as she uttered the implication. "Hey, we can't help it that it's so tempting," he replied. "Babies like to grab onto things and obviously he went on to pick the most interesting one he could find: your hair."

She chuckled. "Yes, I am sure that's what it is about." Statistically speaking, it probably was, but of course she had her own theories. "I just hope they're taking good care of him, those FTAFTASL idiots. I'm still tempted to give them a piece of my mind about their methods… snatching babies from their cradles… that is bordering on unacceptable!"

"I'm sure they're bound to send an update s…" He stopped speaking suddenly, sitting up in a flash and dragging her up with him.

"Jellal!" she said in alarm. "What is it?"

"That guy from the Spa… he gave us an envelope after we left," he said, having just recalled it.

"We forgot to check what it was!" Erza said, remembering it too. They'd been so focused on their own desperation to get into each other's pants that the envelope had been shoved aside and forgotten instantly. Mavis, they were _terrible_ parents – what if it had been something urgent?! "Where is it?!"

"I… my pocket I think," he said and immediately started looking around in search for his pants. "Where are they?" he mumbled.

"Here!" Erza said, picking them up from where they'd been down on the floor by her side of the bed.

She handed them over to him and he immediately reached into the pocket, fishing out the envelope. Impatient, Erza took it off his hands and produced a letter-opener out of her requip space, ripping it open at once. Inside, she found a picture, same as before, and a note, although she ignored the latter in favor of the former. Immediately, she let out a breath of relief.

"Look," she said, showing it to Jellal.

It was their son, as predicted, but that time he wasn't the only baby in the picture. He appeared to be napping while swaddled in a soft blue blanker and lay atop an unfamiliar bedspread while being flanked by a pair of white-haired babies who just happened to be a few weeks younger.

"Seems like they snatched Laxus and Mira's twins too," Jellal stated.

"Yes," Erza agreed. Somehow, that relieved her a little – she wasn't sure why. Likely, she felt like her son would feel less lonely without them if he had his sure-to-be-future-friends nearby. Not that they could entertain him much more that he would entertain them – as far as she recalled, the twins would barely acknowledge each other at that point even though they spent every hour of the day together, making them even less likely to act in a social capacity towards a third, less familiar baby.

"They all look fine to me," Jellal observed.

"I guess…" Erza agreed, unable to really find any fault with that picture. They actually looked pretty cute together, those three – almost too cute for words. Little Mavis was stretching herself as she yawned in her sleep and baby Makarov was the only one awake, scowling at the camera in a very Laxus-like fashion.

"And look here," he added, pointing at something in the corner of the picture. As it appeared, someone had been sitting on the edge of the bed while the picture was taken, leading to a glimpse of dress-clad leg appearing in the corner. A dress, he had to add, that was very familiar. "Isn't this Wendy's?"

"Wendy?" Erza asked, blinking. She brought the picture closer to her face in order to get a better look at the fabric. "I think you're right. It _is_ her dress," Erza confirmed, looking rather surprised. "I have to confess she was about the last person I would have expected to have been part of this sordid kidnapping group."

"Well, she _is_ single," Jellal admitted – in fact, as far as he was concerned, as well as most of her fellow Dragon Slayers, she was still too young to date! "Bisca did say that was a requirement."

"She did," Erza confirmed. "And I can't say I am not relieved that someone with medical training was involved in this plot all along." If there was someone she could picture herself entirely trusting with her son, Wendy would definitely be it. She had, after all, helped bringing him into the world and put up with many a new-parent-freak-out-session during the first week after they had brought the baby home (Was his breathing normal? Should his belly-button look like that? Why wouldn't he stop crying?!).

Curious, Jellal turned the picture around in search for a message, but only found _Boy Erza &amp; Co _written on the back. "Weird they didn't send a message this time."

"Oh, there was also a note," Erza declared, retrieving the envelope and the note in question before reading it aloud. "_'Be at the guild by half past five and ask Kinana for instructions."_

In synch, both Erza and Jellal looked around the room for a clock to see what time it was, almost immediately finding one bolted to the wall. What saw on it was… alarming.

"Oh my god, it's already half pas _six,_" Jellal mumbled in disbelief

"That can't be right. No, it can't be. The clock must be broken. We can't have actually been here for…" she paused, counting back the time "… three and a half hours!"

"We have," Jellal confirmed, showing her his watch, which he had apparently just fished out of his pants' pocket. "My watch says the same. We're one hour late!"

And, with that, Erza was on her feet. "Shower! Now!"

Jellal hesitated. "Erza, I think that if we get into the shower together right now, it might actually… slow us down even more."

The redhead paused for a moment and considered the image of a hot, wet Jellal with her in a steamy shower. They had made it through a similar situation well enough that morning, as well as after the mud bath but now, after four rounds of lovemaking, inhibitions were much father from their minds. "You're right. You should go in first – I'll have my turn while you get dressed. It's faster that way."

It was a day for records when it came to showering, as they were exiting the love hotel not twenty minutes later, which included a slight struggle with the door, which was set up not to let anyone out without paying overstaying fees, yet only offered them a coin slot to present their payment to, which was not practical at all.

"I have to ask…" Jellal mumbled sheepishly, turning around to face the non-descript door of the hotel after they stepped into the alley. "How on Earthland did you know this hotel was here? There's not even a sign outside."

She blushed. "I may have had to… retrieve suspicious characters from here in the past," she stated. "As part of jobs, of course! The rooms didn't seem too luxurious but at least they always looked very clean to me. And very discrete…"

"No front desk staff must be the pinnacle of discretion," he had to admit.

The way back to the guild was pleasant and familiar. As they crossed a bridge, they couldn't help but notice that the river bank was packed with couples, either pic-nicking or just lounging around. It was with some amusement that they witnessed not one, but instead _two _proposals taking place down there, as well as several degrees of PDA – the people of Magnolia sure seemed to go all out on Valentine's Day.

Once they arrived at the guild they saw the building was almost depleted of the usual crowd. In fact, they could count a total of six people in the main hall: Cana and Bacchus having a drinking contest at a table (or rather, laughing hysterically and teasing each other between sips of alcohol), Macao and Wakaba playing cards in a corner (wasn't Wakaba married? Jellal thought vaguely, musing that the older man was committing a massive faux-pas by spending Valentine's day with his buddy rather than his spouse) and Kinana, manning the bar while chatting calmly with Erik, who nursed a drink at the counter.

The latter, in fact, seemed to be the first person to notice them, shooting them an eye-roll as they approached. "Well, well, look who'd decided to finally show up, Kina," he said to his girlfriend, who shot them a look of concern. "Perverts #1 and #2."

"What happened?" she asked. "Did you run into trouble? You should have been here over an hour ago."

"You could say we had some… issues at the Spa," Jellal mumbled.

"Issues?" Kinana asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, dear, was there a problem with the booking?"

"No. Isn't it obvious?" Cobra pointed out, putting his drink down. "The issue was that he 'accidentally' stumbled dick-first into Titania's lady p… mhmph…" His words were muffled by Erza smothering him with her hand.

"That's enough said," she declared.

Disgusted, he pushed her arm away. "Don't get your hands anywhere near my mouth like that! Especially not until you bathe yourself from head to toe with disinfectant. God knows what you perverts may have caught in that back-alley love-hotel!"

At a distance, Cana, with her spotless radar for all things dirty, climbed up onto a table and whistled loudly. "_Go for it, lovebirds!_"

"Down, girl," Macao said from his own table as Wakaba just chuckled around.

"_Wild!_" Bacchus piped in before showing his gourd into his mouth and drinking generously.

"Erik!" Jellal protested the invasion of his privacy. The Dragon Slayer in question ignored him.

"For the record, it was a very clean-looking establishment," Erza defended it.

"Well, as opposed to your impromptu-wrestle in the mud, _anything_ would look clean," Cobra drawled.

"Quit airing our dirty laundry in public!" she demanded.

"Quit broadcasting it into my mind!" he replied. "I warned you this was what would happen, didn't I?!"

Kinana sighed. "Erik give them a break. It's their first date after having a baby. I'm sure it's been very… overwhelming."

"I think the word you're looking for is 'dirty'," he corrected her.

Jellal cleared his throat, eager to put an end to the matter. "I apologize for the unwarranted imagery. I promise we will try to… tone it down," he mumbled.

"It's amazing how you're sting singing odes to her breasts as you say that," the Dragon Slayer commented.

Jellal simply blushed very red and looked away.

"So, are you a member of the FTAFTASM?" Erza had to ask the former snake girl, ignoring her significant other's accusations.

"FTAFTAS_L,"_ Kinana corrected_. "_And I used to be," the purple-haired girl admitted. "Actually, I was a founding member. But since our foundation, circumstances have changed and I…" she paused and looked at Erik, smiling a little, "well, I no longer comply with the main membership requirement. But I'm still an ally to the organization of sorts, so here I am, providing them with support on the side."

"I hope our lateness didn't ruin your plans altogether," she said.

"Oh, well, it made us a bit… edgy at first but, all things considered, it was probably for the best."

Jellal frowned. "For the best?" he had to ask. It seemed a bit odd that they'd go through all the trouble of planning a date, yet not be upset over them missing it because it was, as they put it, 'for the best'.

"Well, you see, our plan was to have you guys going down to the lakeshore behind the guild and watch the sunset together. We had a little picnic prepared and everything… candles, blankets, sun loungers, some snacks so you wouldn't get too hungry before dinner since you did skip lunch… But then… well, then the plans got a little… commandeered, if you will."

"Commandeered?" Erza asked. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means that some fire-breathing moron who may or may not belong to this guild was taking a walk with his blond, big-boobed girlfriend, spotted a picnic all ready to be enjoyed and thought '_wow, lucky me, stumbling right into a picnic that obviously spawned out of nowhere and must not belong to anyone else – clearly nobody will miss it If I claim it as my own_'," Erik said, his tone full of sarcasm.

"I thought it would be fine to leave it down there," Kinana said with a sigh. "That stretch of lakeside beach is on the Guild's land and nobody outside of the guild usually goes there. Everyone was otherwise busy too, but I still asked Erik to go out and keep an eye on it. But then, the beer ran out, and I needed him to help me fetch another keg… it was only five minutes at best but it seems it was more than enough for Natsu to swoop in and hijack the whole thing…"

Erza gaped. "Natsu stole our picnic… how… _how_ _dare he? My _picnic! My cake!"

"Actually, there wasn't any cake in it," Kinana pointed out. "We really didn't want to spoil your dinner too much, so was just a handful of crackers and tea…"

"My cake!" Erza repeated, ignoring her. "Rest assured that Natsu will pay _dearly_ for this crime. In fact, I think I will take care of that _right now!"_

Before she could march away towards the thieving Dragon Slayer, Jellal grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back. "Erza, calm down."

"He stole food from me, Jellal!" she told him. "That is unacceptable!"

"Hey, and if you wanna beat the shit out of the idiot for that, get in line. Not only do you have a whole organization of single saps that are too invested on other people's dates thirsting for his blood, but also the bastard gave _me_ the slip. If you think I'm about to just let that go, think again, Titania," Cobra told him.

"I find it hard to believe that you wouldn't take immediate action, Erik," Jellal had to observe, knowing his team mate's methods.

"I wanted to but Kina here has a soft heart that takes pity even on idiots like Salamander and asked me to hold back," the Dragon Slayer explained.

"Actually, I did it for Lucy," Kinana explained. "The FTAFTASL has it on good authority that Natsu is planning to ask Lucy to move into his house before the end of the day." Translation: they had somehow orchestrated that very move, since it seemed very far-fetched that Natsu would make such a romantic move on Valentine's Day without some urging. "I simply didn't want to put a damper on those plans for Lucy's sake. As far as I know, the others are already plotting to take revenge against him tomorrow. And not only for this – from what I hear, he crashed Mira and Laxus' boat ride. It led to a very… electrifying confrontation, I'm told."

Jellal could only raise his eyebrows, wondering how that had come to be – it sounded like no easy affair, crashing an ongoing boat-ride, yet he simply could not put it beyond Natsu's talent for trouble.

"We'll just see who gets to him first tomorrow. Either way, he _will _pay," Erza vowed.

Jellal closed his eyes and sighed. He could only hope that a night of fractured sleep due to multiple baby feedings would change her mind – assuming, of course, that their son would, indeed, be returned to them before the day was over. "So, about the plans… is there anything we can salvage at this point?"

"Well, I suppose you can just leap right onto the next step," Kinana said, reaching into the drawer for the next envelope. "Just please don't open that right away… or at least give it a half hour before following the instructions. They think they have until seven-thirty to finish the last bits of setup. Maybe take a walk downtown. I hear there's a little fair at the main square with kissing booths and everything! We haven't had a chance to go there yet because someone had to look after the guild but Erik promised to take me later since I'm closing at eight today."

"Don't think I'm letting you anywhere near the kissing booths, though," Eric grumbled stoically, taking a sip from the contents of his glass, much to the amusement of the other people present.

They exited the guild just as soon as Cana started bellowing for more alcohol and Kinana was left with the difficult task of cutting her off, else she might slip into an alcoholic coma along with her equally-intoxicated boyfriend.

As soon as they stepped out, Erza was eager to get her hands on the envelope containing all the instructions, something Jellal was _not _willing to give into. She was very insistent, though, so he had to resort to a lower blow… or rather, a higher one. He secured the envelope with the tip of his fingers and held it up with his arm stretched above his head. Due to the three-inch difference in their heights, that left it just out of her reach.

"Gimme!" she demanded, hopping up a little to try and reach the letter, which he held up even higher.

"No," he held on firmly. "I know you, Erza. As soon as you read this letter, you'll want to follow the instructions immediately even though Kinana said they need more time," he declared, perfectly acquainted with her impatient self.

She puffed up her cheeks like a child about to have a tantrum. "So what if I do? They should have planned their schedule better."

"They _did,"_ he insisted. "We're the ones who skipped an entire step of their plan, remember?"

She pouted. "Would you rather we had remained at the Spa and risked running into Ichiya and company again?" she replied

It was hard not to wince at the possibility. "That is not the point. The frustrated plans are on us, so it's only fair that we should take responsibility and accommodate them," he reasonably declared. "It won't be so bad. We can take a quick look at that fair in the main square. If it's nice, we can come back later with the baby."

Erza still didn't look quite convinced. If it was anybody else being so difficult with her, she would have solved the problem already by punching them in the face and stealing the envelope while they reflexively cupped their likely-broken nose. But it was Jellal and she liked Jellal's face the way it was, with no bruising, bleeding or pain-related scowl. Add to that that his words of responsibility and fairness spoke right to her knightly side, making it very hard for her to keep childishly demanding that he gave her the envelope. So, frustrated, she simply turned her back on him.

"I like you better when you're compliant," she declared, starting to walk away, not so coincidently in the direction of the main square.

He smiled, recognizing that statement as an admission of defeat. As such, he tucked the envelope into the inner pocket of his coat and quickly caught up with his fiancée, taking her hand. "But I'm compliant all the time. Doesn't it get old?"

She didn't respond, only shooting him a pouty sideways look, which he took with amusement – if she was genuinely angry, she wouldn't still be holding his hand, after all.

The main square of the town did, indeed, have a little fair on it but they didn't see much of it, given that they spent most of their time there standing in line for the cotton-candy machine at Erza's insistence (against his best judgement and mostly due to her insistence that 'he had to make it up to her for his distasteful withholding of information', Jellal ended up agreeing, even if he was concerned that Erza would spoil her appetite – something that, according to his beloved, was as outlandish as ghosts being real or sugar rotting teeth… a statement that concerned Jellal immensely).

It was only afterwards, as they sat together on a park bench while Erza feasted on a massive cloud of cotton candy almost bigger than her head that Jellal finally conceded to opening the envelope, seeing as, due to the mile-long line for cotton candy, the appointed hour was drawing near.

"Oh," he said, reading the message that, that time, was not accompanied by any photo. "It just tells us to go home and wait for further instructions on how to get the baby back."

Erza frowned. "That seems a little… simplistic for them." After a lunch date, a spa date, a missed sunset picnic and even a boat ride for Mira and Laxus, just being sent home seemed a little underwhelming. Then again, maybe it was their punishment for throwing a wrench at their plans. Something like 'go to bed with no dinner'. But then again, taking into account their need of extra-time for preparation, something just didn't add up. Erza guessed they'd just have to wait and see…

And so, after a brief stop at _Café Venus _to collect their many leftovers, they set off towards home.

The cotton candy lasted them only until about midway through the trip, although it might have gone longer if Erza hadn't generously offered to share some of it with Jellal, even though it was strawberry-flavored and everything. The rest of the way, they just walked arm in arm, Erza's head tilted sideways against his bicep, enjoying a recovered type of intimacy that they hadn't even noticed to have gone missing in the midst of diaper changes and midnight feedings. It was good to have it back.

Once they spotted the little cottage they shared at a distance, the first thing that caught their attention was the fact that the window leading to the living room didn't show an interior quite as dark as it should have – it wasn't as if someone had left the lights on but there wasn't complete darkness inside either. Weren't they aware of the FTAFTASL's involvement, they might have rushed in bearing arms and expecting intruders.

They didn't and yet, as they finally stepped in through the front door, the intruder thesis was confirmed, even if the intruders in question – by then already far gone – clearly had much less sordid intentions than it would be expected of… well, _intruders_. As it turned out, the light they had spotted from the outside was the result of burning candles – candles placed at the center of their table… a table tastefully set for two, both plates covered with metal domes that still felt warm to the touch and a little note at the center of the table urging them to 'enjoy the romantic meal together'.

But the FTAFTASL's services didn't even end there. The house smelled… wonderful – pine-fresh as if it had just been thoroughly cleaned. The kitchen, Jellal came to see, was spotless. The laundry room, rather than dirty laundry, had only freshly-ironed clothing sitting in a pile. Upstairs, both their bedroom and the nursery looked so put together that they might just be looking at a picture in a catalogue.

"Sweet Mavis…" Jellal mumbled after he'd seen it all and finally sat with Erza at the table. "Babysitting, cleaning services, cooking… They're like friendly household spirits." He turned to Erza, disbelief still on his face. "You cannot still be hostile towards those guys after seeing _this_."

Erza forced herself not to look _too _impressed, even if she was, indeed, very impressed inside. "I will withhold my amazement until I have my baby back in my arms, perfectly safe and sound." She stabbed a bite-sized potato from her plate with her fork and guided it up to her mouth. "The food is good, though," she had to admit.

Not only was it good, but also, it had a very distinctive 'Strauss' flavor on it. Somehow, whenever the three take-over siblings cooked – something they were obviously gifted at – the dishes they fabricated always had the softest… common flavor in it. Nutmeg? Cumin? She couldn't really tell what it was – maybe a completely different spice that was commonly used in their hometown. Fact was, it was always easy to tell when a Strauss had done the cooking and that seemed to be just the case that night. Keeping in mind that Mira had been enjoying her own date with Laxus that day and that they had already spotted Elfman out with Evergreen before, it was likely that the evening's chef had been none other than Lisanna.

For the duration of dinner, they mostly talked about the events of the day, laughing, blushing and cringing together about the various steps of their date. It wasn't until dessert, when Jellal went to fetch the cake leftovers from brunch for Erza to feast on that a more serious matter was breached.

"We should set a date," Erza stated as she finished savoring a forkful of strawberry shortcake.

"Oh, right. It would be healthy for us to make this a regular thing. If we asked Wendy to babysit every once in a while…"

Erza shook her head. "No, I didn't mean that type of date," she said, lifting up her left hand and using her right one to point at the finger where her engagement ring rested. "I mean _a date._"

"Oh," he muttered, understanding. "You mean a date for the…"

"… wedding, yes," she provided. "I did say we had to wait until the baby was here so I could fit into the dress I already own and I hope that, by now, that will be the case. What do you think?"

He smiled. It was easy to forget that the proposal had only been the beginning… or the middle, at the most. They lived together, they had a child… deep down, he already saw her as being his forever, even if that wasn't written on paper yet. "Tell me the date and time and I'll be there," he replied.

She narrowed her eyes. "You had _better_," she warned him.

"I _will_," he reassured her. "I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure, Erza." In time, he learned the family he wanted to create with Erza was something that he _wanted _to be selfish about. That he wanted to have despite the sins he's committed.

She sighed, a little relieved. "I don't want anything too big or fancy. Just us and the baby would be enough but I doubt we'll be able to get away with not inviting the guild and a few extra friends."

"I doubt you would really want that either," Jellal had to point out. "They're your family after all."

The redhead smiled fondly at that. "Yes, I suppose they are," she agreed, taking the last bite of the cake on her plate.

"Do you want me to get you more?" he asked, nodding at her plate. That was a shocking amount of sugar she had already consumed that day, but he guessed only _one_ day wouldn't do too much harm. Maybe.

Still licking the leftover bits of cake on the fork, she nodded. "Something with chocolate too this time," she requested.

"Chocolate it is," he said as he got up and made his way to the kitchen, stopping to press a kiss to the top of her head as he passed by her.

She was eagerly awaiting another dose of sugary treats when a knock sounded on the door. Frowning, she gave it a long look before getting to her feet and threading towards it. Turning the doorknob, she pulled the door open and found herself looking at nothing but the dark landscape outside of her house. "What the…?"

A cooing sound coming from the floor had her looking down, only to find her son's portable bassinet there, on the entrance rug. In it, the baby lay calmly yawning, wrapped closely in a blue blanket and with a couple extra layers covering him. He blinked up at his mother and, immediately, Erza reached down, closer to him.

"Hello," she said softly, grinning from ear to ear as she unzipped the flap of fabric that covered the lower part of the bassinet and reached in, picking the baby up, blankets and everything. It was wonderful having him back in her arms – that warm and soft weight cuddled closely to her chest. She could hardly believe her little boy was finally back in her arms. "Did you miss mama?"

Her son's reply was mostly non-verbal: gurgling, he reached for strand of her hair with his little hand and grasped it as he always did, though a little harder than usual (still, not to a point where it hurt). Just like that, Erza knew she had been missed. Or at least her hair had.

"There, there," she told him, pressing a kiss to his head as she rubbed his back. "Mama is sorry she left you alone with those idiots all day."

The baby looked up at her with big, confused eyes but gave her a soft, yet appreciative coo after a second, which she took as a sign of forgiveness. Thankful, she once more pressed her lips against the soft red fuzz on her son's head and rocked in a soft, soothing manner. _Mmm, baby smell,_ she thought, taking it in. There really were no words to express how glad she was to hold her sweet baby like that again.

"Hey, look who's back," Jellal said, placing the cake-filled plate on the table and approaching. He stood by Erza's side and smiled at his son as he watched him blearily, already completely relaxed in his mother's hold and fully ready to use her chest as a pillow for his next nap. He gave his son a finger to clutch onto and, for what had to be millionth time since the boy had been born, marveled about the strength of that tiny hand's grip. "Did you have fun on your first day away from us, buddy?"

The little boy's response was a yawn, almost too big for such a little face.

Jellal simply chuckled at that. "Looks like he made it just fine without us today after all."

Erza narrowed her eyes. "We'll see about that," she said, looking unconvinced before she turned on her heel, facing the stairs. "Mama is going to look at her little man from top to bottom now," she informed the baby as she walked. "And if she finds even a little scratch, she is going to make those silly kidnappers pay by the tenfold. Oh, yes she _will_."

As he rolled his eyes at his retreating fiancée, Jellal heard what seemed to be a fearful little squeak from outside and, as he stepped onto the front porch to pick up the forgotten bassinet and diaper bag, spotted a familiar blur of pink rushing to hide around the corner.

He could only raise an eyebrow at that. "I could swear Ultear thought you to hide better than that," he said.

He didn't get an answer at first and, for a moment, thought the interloper might have actually made a run for it. He was proven wrong, however, when his pink-haired team mate stepped out of her hiding place. "Oh, shut it. I wasn't even trying _that_ hard."

He chuckled. "Of course not."

"It was only to keep the mystery," she insisted. "Mystery is half the character of our organization."

"Mmhmm," Jellal murmured with a nod, even though he didn't find their particular brand of mystery all that… mysterious.

"And, by the way, why the hell is Erza still threatening us?! We worked our asses off for your date today! And then, we also scrubbed your toilers! And wiped your baby's butt! Quite frankly, you should hold us to the same esteem as Fairy Godmothers!"

Jellal sighed. "We _do_. Don't take Erza's words personally. She is actually very thankful but her motherly protectiveness trumps above all else when the baby is involved. We owe you guys a lot for today… you didn't have to go through all that trouble."

"Oh, well, I guess you can express your gratitude when the bill comes in the mail," Meredy said cheekily.

Jellal wasn't sure if she was joking about billing them but, honestly, he didn't even care. He was thankful enough to pay twice any amount they could possibly ask for.

"We left a note in the bassinet saying what time we last fed Boy-Erza-chan and stuff like that," Meredy told him. "Just in case."

The blue-haired man sighed. "I wish you would stop calling him that," he stated. "Erza gets really riled up by it."

"But why? Boy-Erza-chan answers to his nickname so well…"

"That is part of the problem," Jellal hopelessly pointed out. "In any case, did he give you much trouble today? Did we miss anything important?"

"Yes. He did his first triple backflip and then discovered a new type of magic," Meredy replied, perfectly straight-faced.

Jellal's only response was an unimpressed look.

"Of course you didn't miss anything! He just slept most of the time. Overall, he was a little angel," Meredy said. "Unlike his Daddy, who's a big pervert who now frequents certain questionable establishments that are accessible only throufg dingy alleyways," she added, making her team mate blanch. "A love-hotel, Jellal? I never thought I would live to see the day…"

"You… you…" he stuttered, mortified. "How did you know about that? Were…" he paused, taking a breath and lowering his voice "… _were you spying on us?!"_

"We may have had a couple of winged scouts keeping an eye on things," Meredy inconspicuously said. "And they may have taken some photographic evidence at times…"

Jellal's eyes widened so far that it looked as if his eyes were going to jump out of his face. "P… _photos?!"_

"Oh, don't worry. They didn't actually follow you into the hotel _or_ the Spa, for that matter. Still, your facial expressions from the moment you left the Spa up until you entered the love hotel were hilarious. You looked like a deer caught in the headlights," the pink-haired girl teased.

"I had no idea what was going on! The… the hotel was Erza's idea!" he insisted.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I am _sure _those many hours you spent in it with her must have been about as pleasant as pulling teeth," Meredy sarcastically remarked.

Jellal groaned, sounding in pain. "Meredy, I am thankful for what you and the others did today… but please go away now."

"I was about to leave anyway. I have to report for our debriefing session," she said, already starting to retreat. "Oh, and is there any chance that today's little tryst is going to give Boy-Erza a little sibling? Because if there is, you should let us know so we can start planning ahead for one extra baby next year."

Jellal actually covered his face with his hands. "_Meredy_," he groaned in frustration.

"Is that a no? I guess I can just note it down as a 'no' and then change it later if it turns out to be a 'yes'," she thought out loud. "Still, let me know. We could really use the heads up over at the FTAFTASL."

"Just please go, Meredy," he insisted, exhausted before pausing for a moment and rewinding. "Actually, hold on a second and _please_ tell me what on Earthland FTAFTASL stands for."

The pink-haired girl raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't it obvious?"

* * *

Nearby, in a building in the woods that had once served as the guild headquarters, a group of people was gathered.

"Alright, guys. As the new president of the Fairy Tail Association For The Acutely Single Ladies, I, Lisanna Strauss, hereby declare this year's operation a… well, a relative success, taking into account the few… incidents we stumbled onto," the white-haired woman stated, standing in front of the group.

The tradition had started on the year Asuka had been born. Laki, a serial-dater, had grown frustrated with being dumped again and again on Valentine's Day by guys who were too intimidated by the furnishings of her room (so, what if she had a torture rack for a bed and there was an iron maiden in the corner? Weanies!) and decided to just give up on dating on such an occasion. Kinana, in no way interested in dating because she was unknowingly in love with a certain imprisoned felon she couldn't even recall, found Valentine's Day lonely as well. And finally, Alzack and Bisca, a couple very much in love that both of them shipped to no end, seemed actually unaware of the occasion due to the pressure of having an infant completely depending on them. It had been on one fine twelfth day of February that both single ladies, Laki and Kinana, had found themselves observing the overworked new parents and lamented that, same as them, such a lovely couple was likely not going to fully enjoy the day of lovers… that was, until the idea clicked in their minds: they would provide the surprise child-care and dating plans and Alzack and Bisca would provide them with the romantic imagery to vicariously live through.

It had gone on like that for a few years, up until the rest of their missing guild had returned and, soon after, the guild had been disbanded. Then shortly after it had been re-formed, the FTAFTASL had gotten another blow: Kinana had found herself a man and therefore left the association. Laki had, however, found new partners in Meredy and Lisanna but, even if the new girls were just as eager and resourceful as Kinana, they had found themselves lacking on 'victims'. Asuka had become independent enough that her parents were confident to make plans of their own, just as most couples did, switching her from kidnap-ee to accomplice. Without more child-bound couples to prey on, the Single Ladies had found themselves having to turn their attention elsewhere: the thoroughly-unromantic-yet-meant-to-be such as Elfman and Evergreen.

True, they had managed to succeed in that area as well but the constant bickering had proved not to be as enjoyable as the adorable romance that Bisca and Alzack had provided for them… which was why, after the previous year's Valentine's Day, Laki had decided to give dating on the day of lovers another try and pass the reins to Lisanna (genetically predisposed to relationship-meddling, as all Strauss women were) as the new fearless leader of the FTAFTASL.

But soon, with the baby boom that the previous December had provided for the guild, Laki had come to realize that she might have quit too soon… but by then, she had found the perfect submissively perverted partner in Warren and that was just not something one gave up on in exchange for an yearly dosage of dating-by-proxy.

With their numbers still limited even with Wendy and Carla's recent recruitment, three babies under two months old had presented quite the challenge for the organization, which had found itself in need of expanding their recruitment threshold by adding single guys (as well as exceeds) to their numbers.

That appeared, however, to have cause a bit of an issue.

"Hey! What's with the 'single ladies' part?!" Jet demanded. "We helped too and we're guys!"

"Yeah! I got barfed on!" Romeo shouted.

"Stop complaining, Romeo. Being vomited on by Laxus' child is an honor," Freed calmly declared.

"My ass it is!" Romeo demanded.

Wendy cleared her throat, trying to deviate the attention from the bickering teammates. "Jet-san has got a point," the young Dragon-Slayer pointed out. "We wouldn't have made it today without the help from both males and females. Maybe we should remove the 'Ladies' part from the name in the boys' honor."

"I demand that you do!" Max insisted.

"Shut up, Max! You're not fooling anybody. You may be a guy but you're not single at all, judging by how you've been humping that broomstick all day!" Bickslow accused. "With innocent babies in the room too! For shame!"

"There is nothing going on between me and Broom! We're just friends!"

"Are you talking about a broomstick or a person?" Pantherlily asked calmly.

"Don't talk like that! You're hurting her feelings."

"Oh, god… It's a 'she' now," Carla mumbled.

"You guys are all jerks!" Max accused, hugging the broomstick close to his chest just as the door burst open and Meredy walked in.

"Sorry I took so long. Jellal caught me as I returned Boy Erza," she said. "I hope I didn't miss anything important."

"We were just in the process of calling for a renaming of the organization, given the addition of male members," Reedus provided.

"Oh, that's right. I guess you guys must see being called 'ladies' as a bit of a bummer," Meredy said with a nod.

At the front, Lisanna sighed. "Oh, alright, alright. We'll drop the 'L' from the FTAFTASL and just become the FTAFTAS – Fairy Tail Association for the Acutely Single."

"That feels a little… incomplete now," Romeo comment.

"Aye! The 'L' had a ring to it," Happy agreed.

"Well, then how do you suppose we keep it?" Lisanna questioned.

"We could always add something with an 'L' at the end," Wendy suggested. "Like… let me think…"

"Losers?" Bickslow suggested with a snicker, prompting a wave of protest.

"You do realize that you are also insulting yourself, right?" Freed questioned.

"How about 'Legion'?" Lily suggested. "As in a squad?"

Meredy made a face. "That just sounds redundant when you already have 'association' in the name," she told him.

"How about we just write down suggestions and have a vote next time we gather?" Lisanna suggested. "Because right now, I need to finish this debriefing so that we can get to the important part here: the grand prize!"

"Is it dinner?" Droy asked, excited.

"No, Droy, it's not dinner," Lisanna responded before clearing her throat. "Now, back to the briefing, concerning our side-projects, Elfman and Evergreen's date was a disaster, as expected, but then again, the fact that they were even within ten feet of each other today is a plus. Gray and Juvia and Levy and Gajeel won't be back from their trips until tomorrow so we can't know for sure how their Valentine's Days went. As for Natsu and Lucy…" she paused and turned to the blue flying cat in the room "… Happy, anything to report?"

"Aye! Lucy is definitely moving in with Natsu now!" he declared.

"Good, so he asked her?"

"Well, not really. But after he took her home from their picnic, Loke was over at her apartment with a bunch of girls and Natsu got kind of mad, so they started fighting and… well, Lucy's place is kind of toast now, so she can't go on living there."

The whole group wasn't nearly as happy about that as Happy himself was. "That _idiot_," Lisanna said, covering her face.

"I don't see what the problem is," Happy remarked, unfazed. "It's not like all her stuff would have been able to fit into our place, anyway. And not all of it burned down… just her bed and the curtains and the wall that sort of… broke. Oh, and Lucy's shirt too, but that's normal 'cause it happens all the time."

Everybody else just groaned.

"Any chance you guys are willing to forget Natsu's punishment for crashing the boat ride and stealing the picnic in light of this… tragedy?" Lisanna tried, for the sake of her childhood friend, who would likely be on the wrong end of Lucy's wrath for the rest of the day.

"Not a chance," Bickslow said.

"He's going _down_," Meredy vowed.

Lisanna sighed. Well, she'd tried…

"Can we have the grand prize now?" Romeo asked. "Because Dad will start wondering where I am if I don't come home in an hour at the most."

"Of course, of course! Happy, do your thing," Lisanna commanded to the exceed, who flew away towards the light switch and turned it off. There was a chorus of '_Hey!_' and '_What the…?_' before the light of a projector was suddenly turned on, forming a square against the white wall. But then, the square was no longer white, instead filled with a picture of Laxus protectively holding Mira's hand was she boarded a boat. "Slide-show time!"

"Wait! This is the prize?! A slide-show?!" Bickslow demanded. "What the hell?"

"What did you think it was?" Meredy's voice said in the dark.

"I dunno! Something less lame!"

"Don't be greedy, Bickslow," Freed admonished him. "We joined for Laxus' sake. We'd do anything to help him!"

"Well, yeah! But a good prize wouldn't hurt!"

"Hey, I was told there would be cake!" Droy stated. "I thought I was getting cake!"

"You _are _getting cake," Lisanna corrected him. "I made one for us to celebrate our success."

"Good. Can we have it now?"

"No! Only after the slide-show!"

"Wait a second," Max remarked. "You got promised stuff to join? All I got was Laki saying she'd test out her new furniture on me if I didn't help! And guess what – her furniture is like 90% torture kink stuff!"

"She did the same to me!" Reedus said.

"What? But Laki isn't even a member anymore," Romeo asked.

"She did offer to help with the recruitment process," Lisanna stated. "Was anybody else… coerced into joining?"

"Not me. I did it because I had nothing better to do," Romeo added.

"Me as well," Lily agreed.

"I did it 'cause Lisanna asked and Lisanna helped hatching my egg, so she's kinda like my Mom and I gotta do what she says," Happy stated with a shrug.

"If it's going to take this long to start the slide-show, can we have the cake now?" Droy insisted.

"Stop thinking of the cake, Droy!" Jet shouted at him.

Lisanna cleared her throat. "Let's just get to the show now and be done with it," she urged. "Now, as you can see, this is a glimpse of Mira-nee and Laxus's date. Look at him being all gentlemanly with her. Isn't it romantic?"

Freed sniffed. "Laxus is a jewel."

"Up next," she said, as the picture was replaced by another, "Erza and Jellal being adorable over brunch. Just look at the delight on Erza's face," the white-haired woman described before letting out a sigh. "This is what makes all our work worth it."

For a moment, everyone was silent.

"Er… Lisanna?"

"Yes."

"That look on Erza's face… she's shooting it at the cake, not Jellal."

Lisanna gave the picture a long look and, after a few seconds, reached the same conclusion. _Good god, that day was not going as planned… _"Well, never mind that. On to the next one…"

**The End**

**A/N: Thank you for sticking with this little piece of crazy all the way through! It was really funny to write!**

**Let me know your thoughts... who knows, they might inspire me!**


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